advice on my break-up - my fault???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
advice on my break-up - my fault???
1
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 2:08am
well, i'm 2 and a half weeks in to my break-up, and i'm having what you might call a breakdown. my partner and i were engaged, he had two teenage kids, widowed. he broke it off, saying that we weren't 'moving forward' and that he can't emotionally handle 3 women under the one roof (we were moving in together later this year). he's got a lot of baggage from very dysfunctional family and past relationships, but is talking about getting professional help which is great. what i'm having trouble dealing with is the fact that i keep blaming myself for the break-up and it's making me very unwell. when we first started dating, i had some concerns about whether i could take on the 'instant family', and how his girls would feel about me considering their mother died, whether i might want my own kids one day, plus all the challenges that come with stepfamilies, that sort of thing. i felt that i'd come a long way in accepting things and growing to love them all (he told me when we broke up i was almost "too giving and too loving"). but he told me that he felt my concerns hadn't gone away and we were still talking about them one year later. sure, they weren't going to go away overnight (and there are always new challenges in any family, let alone a step one), but i thought communicating my feelings was the right thing to do! he just broke it off, quite nastily, no second chance, didn't communicate with me about his concerns, total shock to me. said he doesn't have the will or the energy to work on it. i feel that my neuroses, insecurities and hang-ups about myself, his situation, relationships may have caused him to dump me, because if i was a positive and supportive presence in his life, i'd still be around right? he keeps saying it's him, and not me, but i'm not buying it. i just think i've sabotaged the best thing that's happened to me, and now it's too late. any thoughts/advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 11:59am

Welcome to the board curlylocks,


To make or break a relationship takes two people, so I wouldn't say it's your fault entirely.