advice needed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
advice needed...
3
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:15pm
well its me again :p... so me and my ex broke up like 3 days ago... and im totally devastated... and I feel the only way i can really try and get over him is to just act normal with him. Because the thing im most scared of is losing him from my life totally, i just wanna keep contact with him.
So now i was thinking that it might be a good idea to just go do something fun with him. Something we have never done before, and just only have fun. I dont even have the intentions of getting him back behind it. I just think i need it to get over him, or at least to kind of move on. And well i have this tiny bit of hope that he might realise what hes missing, and get more feelings for me again. But is it too soon to ask him to go so something like that? I have holidays now for 2 weeks, so now really is the time that i have time to actually go do something. Thats why im eager to ask him. But people are telling me its a better idea if we go with more people. but the problem is that he hates my friends... so do you guys have any advice? or do you actually think I should do this?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:32pm

I'm sorry, I don't think that's a good idea at all. You are not ready to be "friends" with him, and it's impossible to move on while you're in contact with someone.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:31pm

The only way that you can hang out with him alone is if you have absolutely no expectations about what will come of it. It's only been 3 days, so I'm guessing that you're not really in a position to do that. How will you feel if nothing has changed? If he is firm in his decision? I know that it has probably felt like an eternity already and it's tempting to want to remind him of what he's missing out on, but he knew who you were, and ultimately he decided to go his own way anyway (and it could be for reasons that have nothing to do with you) From your previous post, it sounds like he had been pulling back for a while though, so it seems like your best bet would be to just leave it alone for a while. I'm sorry if hearing it hurts...

That being said, it doesn't necessarily mean all is lost. You never know what can happen, but I really do believe that the best way to remind someone of how much you have to offer is to let them feel life without you in it. Three days isn't really even a breather. As hard as it is, don't initiate contact, don't be there for him...just let him wonder what you are up to and feel your absence. There are no guarantees that he will realize his mistake, but at the very least, he will respect you more for it, and it will allow you time to heal. Take this time to do whatever it is you need to do for yourself. I was pretty sick when I went through it, so I couldn't go anywhere. I just allowed myself to cry, ordered in, and had a Sex and the City marathon. Hopefully you're able to do something a little more engaging.

I know this is tough and it's really hard to go through, but you can do it. Take care of yourself and keep posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:05am
hi heartbroken, i think you're setting yourself up to get hurt worse by this plan of yours. i think it's too soon to be hanging out as if a relationship never happened. I know how painful a breakup is when you really want the guy back. I spent months trying to do what you are doing and he just doesn't see it that way. the best way for him to think about what he lost is if you are not there. that leaves you feeling shattered, but it makes it worse to be around him when you can't have him. ... This will all hurt you so much more. Ive been there! In hindsight, it's better to just go on by yourself even if you are still in denial. Let HIM come to YOU. If he loves you, he will.
Just my two cents here