Advice!!! PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Advice!!! PLEASE
7
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 2:58pm

I didnt get many responses on this so i figured i give it another try to get some advice..................

i am 23 and was in a 8yr realationship with who i thought was the love of my life. He never cheated on me (or at least i dont know about it) and he didnt leave me (i dont think for someone else) i think he was just scared. We had planned our life together and even though the last couple of months we argued constantly i didnt think he would have ended it telling me he didnt know what he wanted. This was a couple of weeks ago and i cant seem to think i have a life after this. He was all i knew and can not picture myself with anyone else. He was my love and just left me. Talk about feeling rejected, i am just wondering how will i ever get through this. I cant see life without him and i keep blaming myself for all the wrong in our relationship. How do you move on and continue life when i feel it has been taken from me. The holidays are coming and i have two weeks before i receive my bachelors degree and i dont even think all this matters to me. I want him back so bad but i cant get hurt by someone who is not sure what he wants. Everyone tells me yes i will find someone else and maybe we just werent meant to be but HOW are we suppose to move on when you plan your whole future with this person?

All i think about are the good times all the stuff i miss about him and only if i had another chance i would make it perfect. I really jst want to make this horrible everlasting pain of my life is over just go away.

I dread the day he is with someone else i will be devastated and think i will die. Although, i feel like my insides have already died.

I was very close to his family and cant imagine not being around them anymore. I feel like i will never love again and get that happy loving marriage i have always dreamed about.

I just want my pain and these awful thoughts to go away. Honestly this truly sucks.
How to i stop feeling all this hurt and pick up the pieces to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: jr419803
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:14pm
Hmm. I hate to say it, but from 15-23 you've been with one person!?!? LIVE YOUR LIFE! Please! Get out there and meet some new people. Yes, SOME (but few) relationships last when they started in the puppy love phase, but I would take the separation and find out about you as a Single person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
In reply to: jr419803
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:26pm
i'm sorry to hear you are going through this. 8 years at that age is huge, monumental. of course you thought he was the love of your life. it sounds like this is all very fresh to you and the first thing you need to do is feel your feelings, grieve over the relationship, let yourself cry. then start to pick up the pieces. you will get through this, there is life without him and you are both equally to blame for the break up. you said it yourself--you can't get hurt by someone who is not sure what he wants. tell yourself that every time you start to feel sad. it does seem like your heart was ripped out and stomped on, i know, believe me i do, but it WILL get better. i know you can't imagine your future without him but the sooner you accept that it is over the better and easier it will be for you. it takes time though, i know it's not something you can easily accept in the beginning but one day you will. you will love again. you are so young, how sad to think that he was the only one! and you know what if he is the one for you then things will have a way of working themselves out. but do not sit and wait for that day. you need to get on with your life...pick up some new activities, rekindle relationships with people you haven't kept in touch with, meet new friends. it does seem like this is an obstacle you will never overcome in the beginning but each day will get a teeny bit better. take good care of yourself, treat yourself, and do anything that makes you feel good. take care...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
In reply to: jr419803
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 9:58pm

You’ve gotten some great advice… hang in there, take one day at time. Focus on you. Take care of yourself, allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. Lean on your friends and family during the holidays- I know that I will be doing the same.

You should be very proud of your accomplishment of graduating college. You really are at the brink of a whole new chapter in your life- have hope that you can and will start living your own life. Think about activities or hobbies that you’ve always wanted to do- and do them.

Take care and I wish you all the best

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
In reply to: jr419803
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 5:06pm

This sounds like he was your first love since you two have been dating since your were 15. Take this advice from a 40 something single mom, you will find another but you will need to take some time to yourself and heal on your own and get to know yourself. Being with this guy since you were 15, you probably don't know a lot about yourself because you have given so much to this person for 8 years. My ex-boyfriend who I loved deeply got scared and ran and I was blindsided when he dumped me without telling me why. I had to rely on our mutual friends for answers and the best they could come up with is he is afraid of commitment. It is going to take a lot of time to heal your heart after being with someone that long but I guarantee, your heart will heal with time and NC. I was with my first love when I was 15 and we were together for three years and like you became very close to his family and was heartbroken to no end after he broke up with me. It took me close to a year to get over him but I did and moved on. Now 23 years later, I know I can go up to him, give him a hug and wish him, his wife, and child the best.

Life does go on after a break-up no matter how painful they are. You are young,educated and have a lot going for you so keep yourself busy, hang with friends and family, and by all means take care of you because you are number one now, not him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: jr419803
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 5:55pm
love your response
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: jr419803
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 3:37pm

Thank You for all you responses. I am really struggling with this. I cant stop feeling like i did something wrong and why can he do this to me. It just doesnt seem right. After 8yrs how do you just get up and go on with your life it doesnt seem possible. Sometimes i wish i never even fell in love because all though it was great at the time it is so painful now and has me thinking at age 23 my life can not continue. I cant stop thinking of is he thinking about me, did he really love me, will he ever try to come back. He constantly calls my sister and her fiance just to say hi and stuff never mentions me but i so wish he would stop contacting them cause it hurts and i dont understand why he wants to be in my family. He has to let my family go since he let me go. Anyways i am now ranting again but this has been the most difficult experience in my whole life and i still dont think i will ever be over him it is too hard we have been through so much and have so many memories i am terrified to have to start over all new.

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
In reply to: jr419803
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 3:55pm

I may be out of line but if the man who broke my sister's heart was still calling me and my fiancee to shoot the breeze I would totally tell him off and make it clear to never call again--your sister should do the same. Blood is thicker than water!