advice please...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
advice please...
4
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 9:50pm

my heart is breaking...ive been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now....with each year it seemed we grew further apart...he calls me a nag and a *****. but all i ever asked him was for him to spend time with me..i work 8-5 and he works 3 days a week 10-4. i come home, cook supper, clean and hes not home...i eat alone...heat his in oven...and im being a nag for saying hes wrong for doing this to me...im always alone..i finally confronted him...told him it was wrong that i lived with him but am always alone..that i cook supper for him but eat alone while he eats after im in bed...his reply ?

"I have no kids..i have no wife...i can do what i want"

me: "but u have me, your girlfriend"

him: "but we wont be together forever"

me:"if you believe that, stop wasting my time and move out"

and he did..was i wrong? i dunno what to think...i know i do love him..im confused so i turn to you for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 11:19pm

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His answer gave you your answer. It's very sad that after 5 years he thought of you and your home as a place to go rest and as having a person to cook for him. Apparently, he thought about your relationship as something temporary and at his own convenience. He was not respecting you, your time and your home. Were there instances in previous years where he behaved the same way?

I'm sorry, but this man is not reliable material for a loving long term relationship OR marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 4:02pm
I am so sorry you had to deal with this "toxic" man. I knew someone like that with the "I can do what I like attitude". He did not respect you, he used you. The only advice I can give you is to not contact him at all and keep busy with your friends/girlfriends. Take up night classes, pursue hobbies you were meaning to before meeting him. The best revenge you can give him is to NOT be available at all. Meaning: "I'm too busy, I'm doing what I want". Hang in there and don't give him the time of day. Your days and nights spent being a doormat to wipe his filthy feet on are over. It's your turn to "do what you like".
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 12:08am

Sorry to hear about your heart breaking. It's a hard thing to go through. A few things - you will have to greive for the end of the relationship - for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been.

::and he did..was i wrong?

No, you weren't wrong. He may have said something in anger, but it would be up to him to set the record straight. On the other hand, he may have been speaking the truth and if so you needed to hear it, even if you are in pain now.

For furture relationships, consider the book Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Your love language is Quailty Time and you need to be with a person that can speak that language to you.

My best to you!


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 4:59pm

I'm very sorry for what you've gone through, it was tough to read, I can imagine how hard it was to actually sit there and go through it.


At the same time.....


I'd get good and mad about the way he treated you.

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