Advice Please-Being Played for 2 years
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| Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:18am |
Hi everyone-
Please feel free to say anything, I need some tough love.
My situation-I have been dating someone for almost 3 years. I have been in many relationships, one for 7 yrs. which ended up breaking my heart as we planned on getting married. But after that, and much therapy, I went on many dates and had some short term relationships. So now I am in a relationship w/ someone whom is 42 yrs. old and is basically a Momma's Boy. He has never lived away from home, even during college. I have lived on my own for years, but now am home at my Mom's. We are both only children.
Anyway, the beginning was great until he could *not* go away w/me as he did not think it was appropriate (his Old world values). So while he was struggling w/that, my feelings were hurt. Once he decides he is *able* to do this, I am angry & hurt. WE did go away, and at about 5 am, he was so nervous & scared, I thought the only thing decent to do was give him an out. I told him to go home. You should have seen how relieved he was. So he left. At that point, I figure why even do that anymore...I do not want someone to do what they are not comfortable with.
He has allowed one of his cousins to be intentionally mean to me, never stuck up for me. He will not move out as he is comfrotable where he is...but we can not be alone just to hang out & watch TV. I have a dog so I need a house. He offered to rent ME an apartment so we could be together on weekends...why not rent himslef one? Because he cannot leave his Mom. He states he loves me, but I doubt it.
Now he knows it is going on 3 years, so a big choice needs to be made. He wants a *50 day break* to figure things out. No talking, emails etc.
I feel he has lead me on, which is dispicable. WE did have issues, but since I am very open, and he is not, we could never straighten things out. I cannot run the relationship nor read minds. I have always been honest & open with him. One of our main problems is his ties w/his cousins. I feel my female cousin is like my sister, and I am the God mother to her daughter. But his cousins & their families use him. Especially around Christmas....they buy him crappy, unthoughtful presents, and he spends so much time, money & energy on their presents. I know it is his money, but I hate to see anyone used....so for 3 Chrismas' this has been an issue. He needed to choose and he chose them. They are both 40 plus yr. old men whom are married and have 3 children...also make at least twice as much money as he does.
I feel totally betrayed, played, and think it was an evil thing to do to continue to speak about marriage. We are not in our 20's. I called him last night and told him he was a "heel" to do this to me. I am angry & hurt beyond belief.
So should I play along w/ his 50 day game, or end it now? Because in my mind it is over.
A person whom loves someone does not lead them on about MARRIAGE.
Any advice is very appeciated.
Thanks,
Charmed

The whole *50 day* thing is a farce, and that is what I would tell someone in my position.
I just cannot believe I allowed myself to be in this situation AGAIN. In my early 20's I fell in love while in college, and we dated for 7 yrs. He ALSO purchased a ring, we planned the wedding & the reception in our minds. Only to find out...he was in love w/ someone else. I do not doubt he & I were truly in love for years, but it went away.
I feel like a fool to permit this to happen again.
I really do not think this guy can distance himself from his Mom & family. I feel we all deserve, and should not settle for anything else, but being #1 in our partner's life.
But this leading on about marriage is so dispicable to me. What type of person does this???He acts holier than thou, and allows his co-workers to walk all over him. I knew I could have taken advantage of him. I made sure I did not. I always tried to be fair about paying for dinner, etc.
What should I say? What should I do?
What should
Well, I did not have to think at all, my immediate response, is no, he is not the person I want to be with, especially right this second. And when you put it that way, it is so clear.
Thank you so much.
And you are correct, those apron strings will never be severed.
I still feel angry about being played.
But I know my anger will go away one way or another.
Thanks again!