Advice on staying focused during breakup
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Advice on staying focused during breakup
| Tue, 06-19-2007 - 7:10pm |
My ex and I had a break and now we're broken up. I went and picked up my things from his place today. We talked for 3+ hours and I poured my heart out to him. I cried and he cried. He has issues with himself is the reason he can't be with me because he doesn't want to drag me through it. During this convo. he told me just please run as far away from him as possible and I said yes, that's what I have to do I don't have another choice. Then later he said he's leaving the door to a reconcilation open and I can shut mine if I want to but he was thinking I'd take him back again. We broke up once before and he thinks there's a third chance for him. He said to me that he's working on fixing himself and that I shouldn't give up on him. This is the love of my life and I am devasted.He told me that if it's ok with me he'll keep in touch with me.
He helped me putting my things in my car and we hugged and I didn't want to let him go...it was so sad. He kept hugging me and cried and we kissed good bye he walked away and said this is not a break up. Then he stood by the door and waved as I pulled out of the driveway and my heart just sank as I drove off
I am in the middle of studying to pass a big test for my job and I am so scared that I am not going to be able to make it through. How do I push this aside and focus on my test? I am miserable, if I see him or hear from him then I feel good but other than that I just can't concentrate, I can't let this ruin my career. Please help me pull through....I feel so lost right now.
He helped me putting my things in my car and we hugged and I didn't want to let him go...it was so sad. He kept hugging me and cried and we kissed good bye he walked away and said this is not a break up. Then he stood by the door and waved as I pulled out of the driveway and my heart just sank as I drove off
I am in the middle of studying to pass a big test for my job and I am so scared that I am not going to be able to make it through. How do I push this aside and focus on my test? I am miserable, if I see him or hear from him then I feel good but other than that I just can't concentrate, I can't let this ruin my career. Please help me pull through....I feel so lost right now.

I don't think you should keep waiting in the wings until he decides if he wants you or not. You have a life to live, girl! Get your fabulous self back on the dating scene! I really believe the 'NO CONTACT' idea is the best way to go. It has been awfully difficult, but it has really helped me heal and reflect on the relationship -good and bad.
What exactly does he tell you about himself that needs fixing? And why does he push you away during this difficult/important time in his life when you could be there for him?
My breakup happened a couple days before I had to take an important test for my job, too. I won't get the results back until July but let me tell you that I was an emotional wreck! Gee, I hope I passed. Just clear your mind and you can do it. I just told myself that "he's not worth the free rent inside my head right now" (I read that somewhere on one of these message boards).
Just curious...how long have you been in this relationship?
I am not waiting for him to make his decision, I am moving on but I just feel numb right now because it's so fresh. We dated the first time more than 3 years ago for 1 1/2 month. He broke up with me because he moved and long distance wasn't going to work. We kept in touch that whole time then he moved back to town last October and we became official in January.
The problem with him is he's an insecure 25 year old who doesn't know what to do with his life. He has a decent job but since he has high expectations of himself he feels like he's a failure and he's a nobody. So I know you'd say why do want to be with someone like that? I know....I've never met anyone like him....we had such a strong connection we were so much alike in so many ways. I'd been very supportive of him in him trying to build his career, I had a lot of faith in him. He did the same for me, beside my family he was my rock.
He's trying to fix his family issue...his family is broken apart and has been for years and he decided to do something about it. His mom and dad stay in a loveless marriage, they are both miserable and don't even talk to each other. His dad goes away to their second home in the summer time and stay there by himself. So he's trying not to have that kind of relationship and end up like his dad. This is not news to me, I knew it was eating him up inside because he talked about his dysfunctional family from day one.
I called him out on everything else today, he never finish what he started, he is the type that runs away from his problems instead facing them head on. He just push them to the back of his mind and he is now facing them. I asked him to please be honest with me tell me everything and that's what he said are his issues. So the first step he's doing is going to church again...which I know he's doing. So he said it's not fair to put me through that when he can't give me what I deserve. He told me that if he has to come to me with a ring asking me to take him back he'd do it and I told him it will be too little too late. That's why I walked away with my heart broken. I will never let him get close to my heart again though. I know in time I will heal and be happy again and find someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated but right now it's just so tough.