After 1 week of NC, I called him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
After 1 week of NC, I called him
4
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:40pm
1 week later

I called my ex- yesterday morning, but changed my mind mid-ring.

(this was a clear sign of me not being ready to have contact just yet).

I hung up, but not in enough time to avoid caller-ID. I feel like such a loser for this LOL

He called back within 10 minutes, in the best of spirits, and wants to talk like old friends.

He makes me laugh, asks about my family. I keep it light, make small talk, then get off of the phone (regretting that I ever called, because this is setting me back). No need to drag this out. He's fine. I'm fine (or at least trying). I tell him take care, and hang up.

I spend the rest of the day, accepting the fact that this is OVER, and reminding myself that I have PLENTY of other folks in my life to call, if I want to chat. There's no need to repeat this behavior again.

I accept what I did, and go on with my day (I had a great day by the way)

Last night, he calls me again.

He's making small talk again, making me laugh again, asking about my week, my family, my job, what have I been up to, etc. He then tells me about his family, what he's been up to this last week, blah, blah, blah. I'm looking at the clock, trying to figure out when would be the best time to cut this.

Then he refers back to the call from earlier that day. He says that he's been thinking of me, and the only reason he hasn't called me this week is because he wants to respect my feelings (and my NO CONTACT rule). He says he's sorting out his feelings as well. I keep it light. I told him that I didn't want the call from this morning to give a false impression. I know nothing has changed. He asks if I've discussed the break-up with anyone. I told him that I've been keeping to myself, staying busy. He says he's been staying busy too.

We talked for a total of 45 mins.

I definitely see why the NO CONTACT rule exists, it can breed confusion. I ended the call, with a pleasant goodnight. I have no intention of calling him again. I doubt he will call me again. Years ago, I would've questioned why he called back or why he felt the need to tell me he had been thinking of me? But, this is one time in my life, where I'm going to leave that conversation in the past, and chalk it up to two people trying to be cordial, in the midst of an uncomfortable situation.

I still care for this man, but I will move on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:50pm
Well at least you learned from your mistake and can have no contact now knowing exactly why. Because contact = complete comfusion. As much as you might have felt it was a bad idea it might also could have been a good thing. I am sure you have much more will power to not call having experience the consequences and you seem determined to not repeat yor mistake. At least this setback only occured after a week and not months. You will be better off for the experience in the long run I am sure. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 6:28pm
The only way I contact an ex is if only I really had a lot of feeling for him in the first place and I am over the feelings I did have.. The ones I still do I dont contact.. Ive tried the friend thing and they start talking about who there dating and its makes me feel uncomfortable.. I have plenty of friends I dont need anyone else you has hurt my feelings.. But its okay you did that.. Just try to mov eon and try not to contact until you know you wont be sad and confused if you speak with him..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 1:03am
What a great attitude! You've realized that having contact with this guy serves you no benefit and are thus resolved to maintain no contact. It takes ALOT not to dissect a convo w/ the X (I'm an expert in this, unfortunately), but you are right - it doesn't do you any good... just inflicts more confusion. Keep up posted on your progress...

~Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 2:10pm
you go girl! you will move on and you will get through this!!!!!!!!!