After 10yrs she wants to leave..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
After 10yrs she wants to leave..
6
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 10:17am

I had posted a message in the advice section of relationships last week about how I had found my fiance texting some random guy I did not know.. I took this as a wake up call and she let me know why she was doing this. I turns out she has not been happy with our relationship, we have had many verbal fights over the years and its been hard as we have two kids together and had our first when we where 20 and 21. So she told me she was willing to try and get things back on track

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 12:26pm

Welcome to this board hayd22,


Here's your previous post from the other board, so everyone can catch up on your story:


Need help to save my 10yr relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 1:10pm
She is not in conact with him, she feels it was a very bad choice on her part and I truley believe her. As of right now its very hard for me to picture myself not with her, we grew so much together through so many things. I always had a vision of us growing old together so this is very hard. I will continue to work on myself and my issues because I know I need to better somethings about me, however I just really need support at this time and dont have many places to turn to get it. I guess time will tell what happens... I appreciate the advice and words from teh members here and to get some input from females that may have been in her shoes at some point.. Men and women are definatly two different breeds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 1:24pm

Have you invited her to counseling with you?


Reading material - can't remember if I recommended any on the other board or not:


Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix


A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 3:46pm

Last week she said she was open to couples counceling, last night she said she did not want to.. I really think she needs some space to figure out what her wants and needs are. She said her head is spinning and she wants to seek out counseling on her own.. So

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:12pm

Hi, I am not sure if I can be of any help. But I have been in your GFs shoes and still am. My relationship with my ex was not exactly the same .. but the ouline seems same. We almost grew together in life. He literally ignored me and was over confident about me, until I found some stranger online and derived strength from him to walk out.. I truly believe that I could get back with him if he made some changes.. but he was too keen on blaming me for walking away and kept calling me when I really needed space and time to think.

So my suggestion is just be there for her if you really care, she needs time to figre out things.. Keep assuring her through occasional e-mails.. and she might come back.. and when she tries to come back don't pull the old strings.. try to start fresh.. For now just try to be a better person, whether or not she comes back.. if she feels you are changing for good, she might come back. But the best is not to put any pressure on her for at least soem time.. if she goes out with other guys , let her.. she needs to find out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 10:36am

The best thing you could do is what you are doing...work on you, and give her the space that she needs.


It sounds like, from what you say, that she isn't totally out of the picture, just that she needs space to think.


Give her all the space that she needs, but also work on you.


I know this all too well because, I've been there.