After 2.5 years, it's done. *long*

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
After 2.5 years, it's done. *long*
2
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 1:24pm

Well I wasn't sure where to put this, but I'll try here.

Chris and I are young. We are only 18. We've known each other since freshman year of school, and we were really good friends for a year and a half before we decided to start a relationship. Over the course of our 2.5 relationship, we grew and changed a lot. We were and still are the best of friends. We did a lot of things together, dirt biking, snowmobiling, camping with just the two of us, road trips, the beach, work on cars, go to the gym, junkyard, bowling, etc.. Pretty much, we had a lot of fun together through all the different seasons. Recently we have graduated high school, had prom, grad. parties and are moving on to different colleges. I'm going to Boston and hes going a little more South, still in MA though. We are both commuting, by our own choice.

Two Fridays ago, I spent four days, up until last Monday, with him at his place in NH. We had a great time over all, but we didn't get along too well at some points. Well that entire week up until this past Sunday, he spent it up there with his family and friends. But his little sister took his cell phone charger on vacation with her, so he had no cell phone for a few days. Now, Chris has always had a thing with phones. He hates them. And as I understand it, most guys do. I have no problem with that. But I do get frustrated when I haven't heard from him in three days. He texted me Friday night and said "I wuv you" and then we talked for a few minutes. So, Sunday comes and he got home around 9:30 at night, and wanted to come over and see me. He arrived and I knew something was wrong with him. I tried to kiss him, but he kind of just stood there and hugged me. Well, we took a walk around my neighborhood, and things just felt bad. He kept walking ahead, and he was extremely talkative. Which is very unusual for him on a Sunday night after spending two hours on the road with fourth of July traffic. I could tell he had something on his mind. We got back to my house and we sat there in silence and finally he started. He told how he hasn't been treating me right, and that I deserve better. I told him how I understood he was excited to be out of work and away on the weekends and that we work around it. Well apparently he already had his mind made up at that point. He proceeded to tell me that he doesn't know if he can say he loves me, and that he doesn't know what love is, because he is so young. This was a shock..so he begged me not to leave, and to just hear him out. We started to walk again when he told me that I had done nothing wrong and that this is something he had to do. He promised and swore that this was not over another girl or something to do to date other girls. He was in tears and asked me several times not to be angry or even hate him. He said he felt very strongly towards me, but doesn't know if it was exactly love. We hugged on and off, and both explained how we felt. He told me that he never wanted to lose me as a friend because I mean so much to him. He said that I will always have a place in his heart that no one would ever be able to fill. I believe him, I believe every word. I could tell this has been pulling at his heart for a bit, and that he needed this. So around 11, he left in tears, as so did I.

Of course I was so upset, confused, angry, depressed and lost. I went through all the emotions you could go through. I had owed his mother money from our Prom pictures and went by his house while no one was home to drop it off. I also dropped off the necklace and ring he had given me over the course of our relationship, because every time I looked at them, they made me cry. He then called me later on that night, explaining how I didn't have to give anything back, his mom was not going to cash the check and to get them back when I'm ready because "They look good on me" He asked how I was doing, etc. (Just as a side note, his mother, well his entire family, absolutely loves me. He has a big family that visits often, so I have met and grown to love them as a second family. And his uncle's cooking is amazing)

Well yesterday I called him just as I got out of work. I don't know why, but I did. And I said and asked everything I needed to during those 15 minutes. He explained the reasoning behind his decision better than I understood it in the first place. I told him everything, and he told me that whatever I needed from him, time, space, etc, he would give to me. But it's after the phone call that the magic happened...everything dawned on me at once.
I asked myself what I would miss most about our relationship, and it was just having fun with him, going places together, being goofs, etc. We had that for a year and a half before we started dating. And thinking of that, it made me feel so much better. Theres nothing in my heart that says we couldn't have that again. He is my best friend, and I can't kill all our memories and time together, and my best friend because of this. We get along so great. I was strangely happy, and relieved by everything. So I called him back, and explained what had just happened. He told me that he was so relieved that I called him because he felt horrible after the first phone call. We laughed, talked about things, and even decided that if I felt good enough, we would possibly get together for a movie night on Monday. We even talked about casually dating in the future when everything is settled down.

I got home, and I had never felt so relaxed, relieved all at the same time. I finally understood what he meant, and I agree with it. I didn't expect to be with him 'forever'. We are so young and have so much to experience. He does know that I do still have feelings towards him, and he does for me too. But right now we are going to concentrate on being friends, being with other friends and just having a great summer.

I don't know exactly why I posted this..but I guess to just see what other people have to say. Or maybe just to type everything out.

Thanks for reading if you got to the end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 3:36pm

Sounds like you have a very good understanding of why this has happened, and why it had to happen.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 4:07pm

Thanks for your response!

Don't get me wrong though, throughout the day sometimes I get a bit of sadness or a bit anxious about not being "with" him, but over all I'm mostly happy and relieved. We are going to have our time away from each other, and I have absolutely no problem with that. I do miss his company because I have seen him for a little more than an hour in the past two weeks, which is something that is foreign to me. But ultimately I do agree with you. It feels good that we can now take steps in being independent, but also to maintain a good friendship as well.

Thanks again :)