after 4 1/2 years....Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
after 4 1/2 years....Help
2
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 12:21am

**I've posted this in a few forums to try and get a wider range of people to respond so if you've seen it before and replied already just ignore it and thank you =)**

So here's my story....
My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years who I loved greatly and he loved me just recently broke up with me...about a week ago. The main point for breaking up for him was our differences in views of religion, traveling, kids, sex, style, and a few other things. After talking last weekend he found out that I agreed with him on every one of those issues and we just never really talked about it in detail...except for one. I eventually want to have a kid(s) and he doesn't and he says that's definitely a deal breaker which I know he's right. He tells me that he loves me so much he just doesn't want either of us to compromise something that important because one of us would end up unhappy, I know he's right with is the hard part. It is just so hard because we have so many other things in common and we are best friends, and we have a really strong connection. I've known him since I was 14 years old (he was 16) and have been in a relationship with him since I was 16 and now im 20, about to be 21 and he's 22. I know this is for the best and I need to get out and make some new friends and have fun...I just don't know how to be single. I mean I have friends who like to hang out with me but I don't want to over wear my welcome and when they can't hang out it's hard to just be stuck home alone. We are still going to be best friends....we've talked and both came to the conclusion that it's what we both want. I don't want to jump into a "rebound" relationship but I also hate being alone. I am afraid of being alone and also of being hurt again. I'm going to join a hiking club, and go to the gym more (hopefully), and build up friendships that I've neglected because I was dating him. I know this will help but I don't want to just forget I want to get better. Every other day I'm either happy to be single and know it's for the best or I'm depressed that I'm alone and hope I can find the right guy for me and scared that I never will. I could go on forever but basically how can I be single after so many years of being with one guy and how can I attract guys without feeling like I'm doing something wrong....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 9:09am
You know the old saying "if it feels good do it" I'm thinking that if it doesn't feel right, you may not be ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:29pm

I agree -- it sounds like you need to give yourself more time.

Your post reminded me of a well-written article in Elle magazine I read not too long ago, "How to Be Single." After some searching, I finally found it here:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=33510152&blogID=268968792

Maybe this will help some.

By the way, we are in similar situations, though I am older than you and was not with my boyfriend as long as you were. He doesn't want kids, and probably doesn't want to settle down (at least not in the near future). It broke my heart (ugh, it's still breaking it) but I know that it is the right choice to move on.