after over one year its over
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after over one year its over
| Sun, 02-11-2007 - 9:14pm |
we were the couple that no one even understoood why we were together. not even i. we were complete opposites. but i loved him. he cheated on me and i forgave him.. which might have been stupid. after this i guess you can say i got a little crazy and i started going through his phone bill online to see who he would talk to (fyi we're sort of in a long distance relationship. i live in orlando and him in Miami but we see eachother every weekend) one day i realized he was calling his ex girlfriend. the one he cheated on me with. i called her and she told me she had received a call from a block number so she didnt pick it up. but i knew it was him. i told him about it but ofcourse i didnt say how i found out. instead i made up some story there. he denied it. eventually the statement came through and i showed it to him ad he kept on denying it saying that he didnt know how that happened. i let it slide. after that i just became very sad. i felt like this girl was better than me and it really depressed me. i've known for a while that we shouldnt be together. i've known hes not the one for me. we're just not compatable. we broke up today. i sort of had to initiate it. after weeks of him being cold to me and me asking him if he wanted to break up (he always said no) finally he told me that if i was really that sad that then he thinks its best we break up before we start hating eachother. i also confessed to him about my going through his online statement. im really sad. really really sad. i dont want tobe with him. but i just want him to care about me. i want him to want me back. i know its selfish but atleast that way id know he did love me. i talked to his ex girlfriend today (yeah we talk once in a while... wierd) and she told me hed want me back then she changed her mind when she found out that he had also been okay with the break up. i just dont know what to expect. i feel so selfish. i love him and i would want to be with him if only he would just stop being so indifferent towards things. i just dont want to care if hes not going to care and i dont know how not to care. i'm a pisces i'm just super emotional. someone please give me feedback

One thing I'm noticing as I have been thrown back into the dating world is that guys seem to have trouble letting go of their ex-girlfriends. There is always the one major ex-girlfriend who has ruined him for life it seems and, although he tries to move on with someone new, there always seems to be some kind of plot brewing in his mind as to how he'll win her back one day. I could see it in my ex. He used to live in Houston and he dated a girl in New Orleans. I don't know why they broke up. My guess is him using his career as a chef as a handy excuse for whenever days or weeks have passed without a phone call. The last time I saw him we were having lunch and talking about what cities we'd like to live in should a hotel open up there (we both work for the same hotel chain) and he said "If a hotel opens up in New Orleans I'm going!" Then he quickly tried to cover his mistake by saying "I'll probably stay up north". I also got to pass a picture of those two everytime I went to put dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Nice, huh?
I doubt if you did anything wrong. It's definitely all him - he's having trouble letting go of the ex and it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. But it does make him a very inconsistent person and if you're reading his phone statements now imagine what you'll be doing three months from now and that's not right to you. The most important thing in a relationship is trust and, from what I've read, there is none. And I think the longer you stay with this guy your ability to trust will disappear which won't help you in the long run should you meet someone new. So I would stay away from him and I wouldn't talk to his ex anymore either. It's not going to help you move on. You seem like a strong person and there is someone out there who will absolutely love that about you. So be strong!
Welcome to the board hoplessromantic19. Sorry you have to go through this.
Sorry to hear of your trouble,
I've been going through a break up since well...new years morning? Long story short. One year together - I fell in love with him, he didn't with me & felt his feelings should've grown more, and he felt it's not fair to me that he hasn't by NOW & what if he doesn't develop more for me- he felt he'd be leading me on.However, since his divorce, he has always been "stuck" at a certain point- very afraid of falling in love but he Cares for me or "More than just likes me", and misses me! But, what hurt me most is. We'd been back & forth- seen eachother in January a few times- New years eve/day, then the first fri. night after (but a fight happened) then the following fri - we got together to regroup, sit down & talk...and realized we were gonna actually stay apart(still his choice). THEN, tried No contact, THEN, he had mixed feelings, we missed eachother. So, we decided to see eachother & wanted to just go out & "be" with eachother & enjoy eachother like we always use to & just have FUN. We did. This was the 1st weekend of Feb. We spent the night together - I find out the next day that one of those weeks in January when I wasn't with him and He was out there "sorting out his feelings for me", whether he just "missed me" because we spent a year together or if he had more feelings than he cared to admit.....Well, I guess, while doing THAT he went & slept with someone while traveling for business! Says, "It JUST HAPPENED" and was "empty & meant nothing". He didn't give me many details- obviously. Now, I wonder.....we're still apart but was there MORE to it than that? Was it really an "out of town" person, he said it is someone he "knew" but never dated, but not just some "random woman"?? I wonder if it really was someone closer to home,and not really someone from out of town or if it was going on longer, from the first day he started getting "mixed feelings" about US and about staying together....like just after XMas & before New Years when discussions got harder about our relationship. I wonder, IF he left me for this woman and lied? Did he compare me to her intimately too? I wonder, was I not enough in THAT WAY? It is just plain hurtful. Even though we were split up, I still feel Hurt & deceived that he didn't tell me until the next morning about that! It made me feel that he just went out & did it, like nothing - it then made "Us" feel like less than we were too? Just a "hook up" or whatever. But, I understand where your coming from though. I'm in love with this man STILL - and he doesn't love me. We however, Were great together - Not exactly alike- not opposites, but compliment eachother in different ways and "fit" in eachothers lives. We never fought or had troubles until THIS! I must be ridiculous to want him back - but I do I guess that is what loving someone means- through good & bad as well as FORGIVING HIM for what he has done. I wish you luck in your situation - just wanted you to see - Your Not ALONE here! Hugs, Sweetie