AGAIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
AGAIN
3
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 1:45pm
I know you all are tired of hearing from me. So in my last mission I told you all that he had called. Well. We talked everyday since Wednesday. Friday night he went with his girlfriend (who he says hes not in a relationship with) to a concert with all of my friends. One of which was there when all of his cheating came out. Now she wont return my calls or anything. He says I left her bad messages and I didn't . I am so confused right now. I am losing my friends and everything. The friend that I am talking abouts bf works with my ex. They were with my ex and his gf all weekend and wouldn't even take my calls. I don't understand. I left her a messages telling her I didn't care I just want to be her friend. He has turned everyone against me. I went out Friday night and he sent me text messages all night. Then Saturday morning at 8 am he calls crying wanting to know where I stayed and everything. I have put my life on hold trying to get him back and prove to him that things can be different. Teh last time we stopped talking I didn't call him, he was the one who started calling me. He said last night that theres no hope for us anymore bc he is just so burned out. I feel so deep for him. I know he is who I am suppossd to be with. So everything was fine for a few days, then last night he goes back to not wanting to ever speak to me again. He says that it is all my fault. I really am upset about my suppossed friends. this has really hurt my feelings. I have left him alone, but he keeps calling. I even got my number changed. Please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: madysmom2000
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 2:38pm

So why do you put up with it? Why do you allow him to weasle himself back time and time again? Why don't you believe you deserve better? There is a fabulous quote on this board somewhere, I don't know who came up with it but you need to hear it.

NEVER ALLOW SOMEONE TO BE YOUR PRIORITY WHILE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE THEIR OPTION!!!

You are in that exact situation.

"I feel so deep for him. I know he is who I am suppossd to be with. "

Really? Are you that empty of self worth or are you a masochist? You're "supposed" to be with a man who uses you and treats you like an after thought, like this guy does? I don't believe you feel so deep for him. You can't. You can't possibly love someone who is that stinkin' horrible to you! You feel so deep for the man you WISH HE WAS. The nice bit that comes around when it suites his purpose and he's getting something out of it. But that's NOT the real him.

YOU DESERVE BETTER! Go get yourself the book He's Just Not That Into You and read it cover to cover.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
In reply to: madysmom2000
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:46pm

Thank you so much for that. I do feel strongly for him. He was so wonderful to me at first and blames me for the way hes become. I can't get him out of my head. You are so right about what you said I thank anyone for any feedback. I just hate that I have lost friends and him. Anyone can email me at cndavis09@bellsouth.net with any advice also.

Thank you all so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: madysmom2000
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:29pm

You stated, << I know he is who I am suppossd to be with. >>

You know this b/c who you are supposed to be with is a man who apparently enjoys seeing you on an emotional rollercoaster ... you know this because you are longing for a man who cheated on you and now has another girlfriend whom he takes out around all of your mutual friends, who are now turning their back on you probably b/c he's telling them lies about you and they aren't good enough friends to not believe him anyway (ie, he lied to you, why can't he lie to them?)

You're supposed to be with someone who puts all the blame on you and says its all your fault? (talk about a responsibility dodging pig!)

You know you are supposed to be with a man who calls you crying and then turns around and doesn't want to talk to you ... it's a rollercoaster he's got you on. Because, deep down, he ENJOYS seeing you on it ... pining for him and stroking his ego since he knows you want him all the while he's with someone else.

Ok, so you've changed your number and he still keeps trying to contact you. Wow, that shows a lot of respect for you, doesn't it!? (NOT!) He clearly doesn't even respect that you don't want contact but ... contacting you benefits him b/c of above-said reasons.

Do not call him, contact him in any regard. Next time he calls, be strong and tell him that you need to not hear from him. That he has made a choice to be with someone else and that you are ready to move on (even if you aren't ... fake it til you make it ... let him believe that you are doing better than you are and his motivation to see you on this emotional rollercoaster will dwindle down).

Lastly, don't read that fluff-piece of "He's Just Not that Into You." It's entertaining and has some good little pearls of insight ... but it's terribly black & white and is not the book you need to read. Pick up a copy of "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie and "Obsessive Love: When it Hurts to Much to Let Go" by Dr. Susan Forward.

You don't need a book that just tells you how guys should treat you and when to dump them ... that's common sense stuff that we all know but refuse to see the light on when it's blinding us. You need some insight on how to take control back of your life, learn to care for yourself without this type of damaging influence, and how to let go of what is bad for you. Read THOSE books ... they will help.