Again...and today is our anniversary....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Again...and today is our anniversary....
5
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 9:37am

I've been on this board twice in the past year. Yesterday is the 3rd time my bf and I have broken up. Today is our 2yr anniversary.

I'm 25 and he is 23. I moved 8 months ago from NYC to where he lives. He still lives with his parents, I got an apartment. I now realize, even though he constantly talks about marriage with me and calls me his wife, that he will never leave his mother's home.

His mother is a very manipulative, controlling woman who constantly makes hurtful comments to me. Yesterday we were at a family (his) party. My bf had too much to drink and he's bipolar. He was acting really bad to me, when I tried to talk to him he called me a worthless c*nt. (I know, abusive) But this is also not the way he is. He's actually the kindest, most caring man I have ever met(99% of the time). Anyway, his mother saw that my bf left me at the party. I looked like I was about to cry and I asked her if he left me here. She smiled so joyously and said yes. His mother and I have a mutual friend (she introduced me to my bf but also warned me about the mother early on) who drove me home. She saw how his mother acted to me and was speechless.

So, stupid pathetic me called him on my way home. He didn't answer his cell. I called his house phone and he sounded so weird, so cold, so psychotic. He said he was playing a video game and was laughing and would not talk to me but did say he would talk to me today, I asked him if he still loved me, and he said i don't know, then he hung up on me.

I'm leaving for a vacation I planned with my bestfriend on Wed. I planned the trip during our last breakup. Tonight he's supposed to help me bring my cat to my dad's house for while I'm away, and Wed. he's supposed to take me to the airport.

I don't want to tell my parents we broke up because I have the other two times. I'm too embarressed, and what if we get back together like we have before.

I am so hurt. I have a feeling that he probably won't call today. I know that I can't allow him or anyone to treat me like this, but I love him. And like I said 99% of the time he's the perfect man and more importantly best friend for me. Then again a bestfriend shouldn't and wouldn't treat me so cruelly.

It's funny but since the first time we broke up and I discovered these boards I haven't posted while we've been back together but I have checked them everyday.

Any feedback would be helpful. Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 2:45pm

I'm sorry it hurts so much.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:22pm

Sandra,

Thank you so much for responding. I have read so many of your posts and you are truly a voice of wisdom. I have seen you help and just be there for so many people through their dark moments.

I absolutely agree with you, that I need to get off the rollercoaster, it is my choice, and I can do it at anytime.

The fact that I keep going back really scares me about myself. I am or was very independant. I have walked away from people who have been far less hurtful to me.

And we are so different. He believes he shouldn't have to do anything but should get everything. I have worked my butt off my whole life to get what I have and i respect people who work crappy jobs every day while he looks down upon them.

Anyway, he's like a drug to me. He truly is the kindest, most caring man I have ever met 99% of the time. But when it's bad it's bad and I find myself changing who I am to make him happy. I never thought I would marry someone until I met him, same with having kids and settling down. I wanted to see the world, life is short, there is so much to experience. He is happy staying where he is for the rest of his life. Something in me changed, I've been trying to make myself think that i will be happy with this "normal" life, but in the back of my head I think I resent the loss of my dreams.

Sorry, I'm just babbling.

I know I'm going to have a great vacation, it's the best timing.

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:28pm
My boyfriend (or whatever he is)called me the "c" word on Saturday and was completely sober! On/off relationships are so hard. My whatever-he-is and I have broken up so many times within our 2 yr relationship I have lost count. When I break up with him he acts so sweet until he gets me to come back then he is back to his old self. His family hates me (especially his mom) and my family hates him. It really is embarrassing when you have to keep telling people you broke up time after time. My co-workers are so used to it that they ask if this is an on week or off week. I think what you and I need to decide is do we want to continue to waste our time with these guys. I'm 33 so I really can't afford to. He is the only friend I have because the others have become so sick of seeing me this way that they have bailed. Like you, I really do love this guy, but I know I deserve someone who respects me. Thank god for this board!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:58pm

Thank you so much for your response. It's really helpful to hear that someone else is dealing with a similar situation.

I hear you about losing friends over this. So far I have been very lucky. My friends, who by the way do not live near me since I moved to be with him, get angry with me, give me tough love but then let me cry to them. My mother also hates him and gets angry with me for taking him back, but I've been very touched because she has only ever been nice to him and just asks me if I'm happy after she's done telling me what a stupid decision I've made she's back in my corner.

I also feel that people must look down on me now, that I have no self respect. I can understand this because I would think the same if I wasn't the one going through it.

We are so much better than this and we deserve so much more. We are obviously good people with hearts that may be a little too caring. That is why we are with these guys. We see how wonderful they are and we may be the only people who are capable of this.
That does not mean we should accept it and suffer.

We deserve to be treated the way we treat them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 4:07pm
You are so right. I love feeling like I'm taking care of him, like he really needs me. I don't understand why it is so hard for me to stay away from him. I always thought this kind of thing happened to weak people and I NEVER thought I would be this way. There are a couple of really nice guys I could be going out with but I keep running back to the bad one. I've never been with a "bad" one before. All of my ex's are mild-mannered and most of them were kind and I dumped them. I'm an idiot, but hey at least I realize I'm an idiot. ;-)