Again...the urge to call him!!!
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Again...the urge to call him!!!
| Wed, 09-22-2004 - 9:44pm |
I have the urge to call him right NOW! The trigger was seeing him again tonight, again outside our study area. We actually small-talked and it was torture for me. He came out of the door right as I was walking by and we were walking in the same direction, so we walked/small-talked for about a 1 minute togther. And talked about nothing..."How are you? Fine. You? Fine. That's good." He tried to turn the conversation towards how HE was burned out on school...so I broke in and spoke about myself because I didn't want him to have me as a caring sounding board. He did ask a couple of questions about me, how my new apartment was and he said that he keeps driving by my new apartment on his way to school thinking he'll see me walking home...and I just said, "Well, I've been walking!"...dumb, but still keeping it short. Aaaargh...why didn't he talk more personally? Say he's sorry for his B/S? Say that he missed me? And that the past 3.5 weeks has been hell on him like it's been on me? I want to vent so bad to him and ask him why he's put me thru this when all I wanted was to love him?!
Seriously, though, what I really want is to talk through the relationship. To have him confirm some suspicions I had on his lies, for him to tell me that he wants to be there for me and to call and check on me and force me to be friends with him. kcl--You said that you hated having him contacting you all the time, but it's even worse not having him contact you at all!! Do I call him and try to talk?

I haven't read your prior posting but I'm able to gather an idea or two about how you're feeling. I was in agonizing sadness and have been for the past four weeks. I know what you're going thru. The eagerness to have answers from them is so unbearable. Not being to call is horrible.
I'm trying hard to keep myself together - avoid the calling - by thinking about the reasons why I dislike him sometimes, the pain that I have let him bring into my life.
I'm going through the same problem you are. We were together for 2 1/5 yrs. and spent 5 months engaged. He decided to break off the engagement a month ago and we had been trying to work things out for those four weeks. It turns out that he never made an effort to make me feel like he still wanted to try. That caused a reaction on my behalf and again he said he needed to be alone for now. He said he wants to do what he wants without giving any explanations. Fine. 2 days went by and I text messaged with a computer question - rather than sending a message back and to my utmost surprise, he CALLED. WTF? I though it was over, I thought he didn't want me around. Well, I couldn't let the opportunity go and asked if we were completely over with our relationship or if we were waiting for time to heal and find ourselves. He said he couldn't stop talking to me even if he wanted to - ok what does that mean? and said that we could just let things be - what does that mean? It seems to me that there are signs of hope --- but--- I unfortunately found an email and apparently he's setting up days to go out. I'm CONFUSED - he's telling me he wants to slow down in our relationship because he needs to focus on his work, hiw career, and his only shot at making his business grow - but he's making plans to go out? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that - but he's telling me that he doesn't have much time for us - however, he's spending hours and hours with his buddies.
What do I do? How do I quiet the voices in my head? Does he want to be in or out?
I honestly believe that it's a good thing he hasn't tried to contact you. Maybe to you it seems like he just doesn't care, but it WILL help you get over him faster. Believe me, I meant it when I said that the ex contacting me is a bad thing...it's only been hindering my healing process. I tried so hard to be friends but luckily I've realized (thanks in part to this discussion board) that it's impossible because I'm not fully over him yet. His contacting me only gives me false hope and makes me believe that he might still care (when he truly doesn't). Now, I can't say the same thing about your ex because I don't know if he still cares about you, etc...but in all honesty, he's doing you a favor by NC. He's making it obvious that it's time to let go...he isn't trying to lead you on.
It obviously hurts like he*l to think that someone you love so much doesn't care about you...trust me, I know the feeling. But as painful as it is, it's better than sitting around, waiting and hoping that your ex might call or come back. You HAVE to let go of that hope...I've been trying to hold onto it for the past 4 months and it's been a huge waste of my time. Of course, your situation could be different...but please don't do what I did...you cannot make him come back to you...you cannot force him to love you or want to be with you. IF he wants to come back, he will...but don't live your life holding onto the slight possibility that it will happen.
Just think...there's someone more deserving out there hoping for someone like you to call their own. You will get over your ex in time...but until then, don't waste your life.
C