Agonizing Behavior

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Agonizing Behavior
3
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 4:24am

Hello, my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me last night. I'm going to give a little background about our situation. We are both in college and live on campus, which pretty much translates to us living in each others apartments. So I've spent every bit of free time between classes, work, with him for the past 8 months (I even study with him). For the past three weeks I had been noticing that he wouldn't want to make time for me, he would call telling me he wanted to see me but as soon as i got to his apartment he just wanted to fall asleep and sometimes we'd play around but wouldn't have intercourse. I knew something was odd, and i called to tell him about how i felt he didn't care about me that much anymore. So from there the conversation ended with him breaking up with me. He said he didn't see us going any farther than we had already gone. That he wasn't in love with me and that after 8 months he didn't see it happening. He said that he had been wanting to break up with me for the past 3 months, 3 months!!! I had no clue he felt that way, all along I thought the only person I could count on being honest and caring toward me was him. Moreover, he said that he sometimes thought he was still gunshy at the thought of a relationship b/c he got betrayed from his last girlfriend, which happened three years ago..

I'm so sad, not only have i lost my lontime boyfriend/lover but my best friend. He told me that i've changed, that i'm always sad and depressed, which is true, that is how i've been feeling lately. However its so painful to know that he'd quit on this relationship now when i'm feeling so vulnerable and need him the most. I admit i wasn't in love with him, but i love him alot, so much it hurts, its hard for me to cope with my family and school problems without him. I don't really have friends outside of him. I want his friendship but i don't know how long it will be until i can contact him. Most of the problems i'm going through stem from my family, and winter break is coming up, which means i'll be at home dealing with the fighting for a month and a half and no one to talk to. I don't know what to do, he hurt me, i lost respect for him as a boyfriend, but I want my friend back. This hurts so much, please help

Mar

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 5:42pm

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think the best thing for you to do, as soon as you possibly can, is to use your college's counseling resources. Go ASAP. A good counselor can help you formulate a plan for coping with the loss of your relationship and your family during the holidays.

You don't need to do this alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help...it's the smartest thing you could do for yourself.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 9:24pm

I agree, look into the counseling services at your school. It will be good to have someone to talk to - I've done it before and it helped me. This is a hard thing to go through but you WILL get through it.

After some time passes and things are a little easier, it may be helpful to change your routine a bit. When I transfered to a new college, I didn't have any friends, so I made a list of things that I wanted to get involved with, and I forced myself to do them. I ended up meeting a lot of people and some good friendships resulted.

Try some new activities, volunteer, start a new hobby.

If you find that you can't get your mind off your ex, read this post:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=17039.1

I had a similar thing happen to me in college, where my boyfriend said he didn't want the relationship to go any further than it already had. So I know how hurtful it can be. Just know that a lot of us are going through similar situations and you can always post here for support. Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 7:49pm

Hi Mar,
I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain. I understand how you feel. It's very difficult to get over a relationship when you've spent so much of your time together. It leaves you with a lot of "free" time that you didn't normally have and that you now have to fill. I strongly agree with the other posters that you should seek out some counseling, especially to deal with your family problems.

I'm sure that you don't feel like it tonight, but this will be a good opportunity for you to seek out new activities and meet new people. I'm not very social myself, but I know that when I'm around people, it can help to take my mind off of things. Also, there are surely other girls on campus who have gone through a similar situation as you and even though you don't know them very well, you could certainly seek out some comfort and this could be a bonding experience.

Take care of yourself!
Laura