Alcohol is BAD BAD BAD

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Alcohol is BAD BAD BAD
3
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 4:21pm
I am so so so so so so so mad at myself. Want to kick my own A--!!! I broke up with my ex about a month ago. Changed my phone number and have not contacted him since. He was just a bad person. So I've had a lot of stress this month from other things, but I was still doing really good and had no desire to contact him.

So last night I went out drinking with my best friend. It was a relaxed night, but I drank quite a bit (doesnt take me much). Some guys were hitting on us, and I get it in my head that I miss my ex. When I got home, I texted him, not thinking. (This also gives him my new number). I said, and I quote "I don't know why because you were so mean to me and I don't want to get back together, but I miss u. Just ignore me Im talking nonsense. Hope all is well." Then I freaked because I actually sent it and sent another saying "please please please ignore anything I said. Ive been drinking."

When I woke up this morning, I wanted to frickin die!!! What the hell was I thinking? I was doing splendidly. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever done in a drunken stupor. Someone tell me that Im NOT an idiot!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 5:09pm
Hun, you are NOT an idiot...

You simply used some bad judgment. But it's a normal thing and I'm sure most of us on this discussion board have done it. I have contacted my ex various times when I've been drinking. I don't know why...maybe because I get lonely, maybe I'm just bored...and for some reason, I do like to call/text people (not just him) while drunk. I'm not saying I'm a crazy drunk or anything, but I do lose some control over my actions. I have contacted my ex and said dumb, pointless things such as how much I miss him, etc...stuff that means nothing to him.

It has made me feel somewhat better knowing that my ex has done the same thing to me. He has contacted me on several random occasions, usually late at night on the weekends...so I'm pretty sure that he's been out drinking. His texts/phone calls usually don't make any sense...so I've come to realize that he doesn't mean anything by them.

If you haven't done this already, you should definitely take his # out of your phone book. But I know it's easier said than done...and even if you do that, it's not like you don't remember or couldn't find his # somewhere. I took my ex's # out but I haven't forgotten it. So I've learned that it also helps to just turn off your phone. It may be inconvenient for you, but it's better than waking up in the morning and feeling like a complete a*s.

Another thing that has helped me to stop from contacting my ex anymore is reminding myself that: 1) he does NOT care about me...and 2) he does NOT truly want to hear from me--at least not for the right reasons. When we first broke up, I sent my ex numerous emails/texts and called him several times...I tried really hard to make sure he knew that I cared about/missed him. But he usually just ignored me...and would only contact me if I hadn't contacted him for a long period of time. He's not a good person and doesn't want me to be able to forget him, so he's still been contacting me occasionally. But I've been really good about not trying to get ahold of him :) I actually can't even remember the last time that I tried to contact him...

We all make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it...just don't let it happen again. You were doing so well before this mishap and you will only continue to grow stronger--if you let yourself. If you really have a problem with drinking and doing stuff like that, then perhaps you should consider not drinking (at least not as much). But seriously, don't worry about it...it was a mistake and you will learn and grow from it. I know you're embarrassed about what you did, but you really should not feel too badly about it. It happens to the best of us :)

"Fate determines who enters our lives..it is our actions and reactions that determine who stays."

"I never stopped feeling for you, I just stopped letting it show."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 6:57pm
you are NOT an idiot! i was in the same exact situation last saturday! except, i actually CALLED my ex, and rambled on and on in a drunken haze about how i don't care anymore, and he can just ignore me and not call me back, cause hey guess what? i don't care!

it's really mortifying when you do something that stupid, but EVERYBODY does it, and it's totally normal.

drunken contact is okay. just don't do it again! <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:30am
Been there...done that...way too many times. I don't typically drink a lot, but when I'm down, I've been known to kill the pain with a bottle of wine. Once, during the last few months of my 17 year marriage, I wrote a long rambling e-mail to my husband's best friend and a very dear family friend of several years. Sober, I had controlled my secret and inappropriate crush on him. Drunk, I let it all hang out. He never responded and avoided me completely after that although we had been friends. Mortified would have been good...whatever I did was many levels beneath that in humiliation. Another time, in an angry and drunken e-mail to my ex, I made outrageous, completely false statements and threats. He copied that letter and sent it to a judge with his own lies and used it as "evidence" to the court that I was a terrible mother. I haven't seen my five grade-school age children in three years because of that hideous drunken letter. There wasn't a shred of truth in it. Just anger and stupidity and he knew it. None of the many character recommendations from churches, schools, employers, neighbors, friends or family could outdo the damage of a single paragraph of drunken stupidity. I literally live every single day with the consequences and regret and likely will for many years to come. Moral? Writing is healthy! Never stop writing! It's therapeutic and cleansing for the soul. Just don't send them when you're drunk! Best bet is to hand write your feelings and tell yourself you'll take it to the post office tomorrow. When you wake up, likely you'll have a clearer head and tear it up. Next best thing, put any e-mails in your "drafts" folder and vow not to send it for at least 24 hours. I've done this many times now (though still not as often as I should). I feel just as good about getting my thoughts on paper and even better knowing only I read them! Good Luck!