All the things he said
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:33pm |
Here are a whole list of things he has said to me over the years. He calls them constructive criticism and says I'm ignorant because I don't listen. The problem is I do listen and most of them just make me feel terrible. Some of them I change and then he still complains. I feel so low right now. Please be brutally honest and let me know if I'm right in my analysis of the situation.
1. I am a bad driver
Ok-I was never taught how to drive properly except those three days of drivers training, I've also been crashed into three times so I'm a very nervouse driver. You can't trust people, obviously. He says this is ridiculous and my driving is just an indication of how my thought process works and he can't respect it. But if he makes a bonehead move-and he has-nothing?
2. I don't pay attention
I am a day dreamer-I like to escape into my mind. It is a coping mechanism from childhood. He hates it and makes it out to be that I am not interested in my surroundings or whatever educational film or whatever we are watching. Jesus! can't a girl be intelligent and imaginative at the same time?
3. I'm obnoxious when I'm drunk
This one really burns me out. He's told me stories about getting riled up when he drinks. So, if he knows that it releases inhibitions and has had it happen himself, Wtf? ONE TIME, I drank a whole bottle of vodka and knocked over a bookcase, not in anger but trying to hold myself up. He held me down because I wanted to get up and he thought I would knock other things over. I don't remember, so clearly I was plastered. Other than that, yes, I get silly and talkative and giggly. This bothers him. I would understand except for a few things: 1. The other girls he brings over get loud and giggly and he doesn't say ANYTHING about the neighbors or his ROOMMATE (me). 2. He says when I get drunk I would stumble around and spill my drink, he has knocked over sooo many drinks, and his friends come over and spill at least once everytime and on one visit one threw up in the sink and the other in the bathtub and he says nothing. 3. I decide to just stop drinking because OBVIOUSLY I'm obnoxious and when you're drunk you're not thinking about controlling yourself. But he encourages me too and tells me to just relax and have fun. I'm losing my mind. He says that with the other girls he doesn't have to deal with keeping them quiet (that's because he just lets them be loud) and doesn't have to remind them not to spill. I've tried to start drinking slower and he complains about that. When I bring these things up to him they don't register he acts like I have all the problems that I do these things ALL the time and no one else does.
This guy obviously can't stand me. Do I sound like an obnoxious girl? I'm not one to brag or say obnoxious things when I'm drunk or sober. When I'm in public I rarely ever get drunk. I've only thrown up a handful of times in my six years of drinking. All of these things he's talking about happened in the privacy of our own home. He says the reason he doesn't get on the other girls is because they're not that loud, I'm exaggerating. Also the neighbors can deal with noise on Friday's and Saturday's. HELLO! why can't they deal with my noise? Why was I nagged the whole time we've been hanging out. When we were dating it was just us in the house, now he has a roommate, so who's more inconsiderate?
Does anyone else get loud or talkative when they're drunk? I could have sworn that was the whole point. Is this guy overly judgemental of me? I feel so low. Is every other girl more together and well behaved then I am? It's these things that make me feel so low, on top of having all these girls that are more attractive then me, they're easier to deal with. Do I sound obnoxious should I not drink around anyone else?

civiljenna, it sounds like you have very low self-esteem. please consider going to a counselor.
a list of your faults will not help your situation. if you chose to stop drinking, do it for yourself, because you don't like how it makes you act and not because he doesn't like it.
you are roommates with this man. nothing more. you should start looking for a place of your own or with another roommate. this man doesn't respect you and being there so he can have you when he wants to as well as the other girls doesn't do anything but make you feel worse. he doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't bend your actions and will to meet his needs.
Why are you trying so hard to please him? You think that because he says these things about you its gospel? You get loud and giggly and stumble when you're drunk - you don't say? That's what drunk is babe. And if he finds fault in it than he needs to turn that pointed finger around on himself or start swirlin' it around the room.
Stop trying so hard to gather his approval. You do not need to come here and ask us to validate his opinions of you, no one here will do that. His opinions are exactly that, opinions. They are not a mark of what you really are. Get out of there and surround yourself with things/people that make you feel good about you.
And these things are not constructive criticism, its just plain old criticism.
Hi civiljenna,
I've read your newest post this morning, and I think you need to start focusing on making yourself happy, pronto. This list of things, they're details, small things, and they're not really even rational. Why obsess over them? Where will that get you? You know now that he's an @sshole and he has a very negative effect on your self=esteem. STOP LISTENING TO HIM. Don't even give him a chance to say anything like that. He knows perfectly well that what he is saying hurts you, and he doesn't care. Looking back over all these comments and dissecting them serves no purpose. You need to ditch him completely, move out, and invest in your friends and a counselor, all of whom can bolster you up and remind you of why you're special.
Oh, please PLEASE go to counseling and stop letting this man abuse you! I really think