Almost 3 Weeks Now.... Any Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Almost 3 Weeks Now.... Any Advice?
2
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:38pm

Well it's been almost 3 weeks now since I last spoke to him. When I talked to him on 2/3 and he was so angry with me I told him I wanted to see him. He said he might be able to see me the next day if he could get out of his best friend's, girlfriend's friend's birthday party. He said he'd call me that night and I asked him to promise he'd call which he did. Only thing is he said he couldn't get out of it. This is a guy who before when I had planned to make dinner for him at his house and through some miscommunication he left to go to his best friend's house outside Philly (about 45 mins. away) said he would have gladly turned around if I had called him. So, he said about getting together for lunch during the week. I asked if I could see him on Saturday 2/11. I didn't want to see him on my lunch break only because I was afraid of becoming emotional and having to go back to the office. He said he could put off moving his stuff on that Saturday and said he'd call me sometime during the week. Well that's the last time we spoke. I somehow wonder if he was waiting to see whether I'd call him as an indication of how much I cared about him. Since that was one of the things he had said to me in his angry phone conversation with me. He said he never really knew how I felt. I do somewhat blame myself for maybe not expressing my feelings more clearly. I tried to give him space and not pressure him in anyway. Especially because he had been involved in an accident right after he lost his job. I just didn't want to add to his stress. Now I wonder if what I did was the right thing. Sometimes these books on love & relationships do more harm than good. Maybe you're better off going with instinct. They always tell you in these books not to chase guys, not to make yourself available all the time and not to always answer the phone when they call. Well that's what I did and I think I lost him partly because of it. He used to call me several times a day. I used to let it go to my voice mail sometimes. I would always call him back but I used to wait a little bit before I'd call back. Plus, I'd be at work too and didn't always have time to talk. I never treated coldly though. In fact when he had the accident he called me at the office right away before the police had even showed up. He was very shaken. I told him to call me when he knew what hospital they were going to take him to. I was going to leave the office to go be by his side. Well about 2-1/2 hours later he called and his father had picked him up at the hospital. I had tried to call him but evidently he had left his phone in the car which was towed. However, I did stop at his house after work to see him. I thought about writing a letter to him apologizing for not making my feelings clearer and telling him why I did what I did. Any advice???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:17pm

to ivil_melanie

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR WHAT HAPPEN!! I MEAN I THINK YOUR RIGHT SOMETIMES IT MAKES YOU CONFUSED ON READING STAFF ABOUT RELATIONSHIP. JUST TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP BETTER RIGHT...I FEEL YOU THEIR GIRL!! TELL ME ABOUT IT MY GOODNESS!!!..WELL SOMETIMES IT HELP BUT MOST OF THE TIMES "FOR ME" IT DOESNT REALLY HELP..IT MAKES ME SO CONFUSED MORE!!! WHAT I SUGGEST TO YOU!! JUST GO BY YOUR INSTICT...FOLLOW YOUR FEELING/HEART DO WHATEVER YOU THINK ITS RIGHT. FOR YOU TO SURVIVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WTH THIS GUY..GO FOR IT GIRL!!! PRIDE IS NO GOOD!! PRIDE IS SIN!! <<<>>> "WHATEVER IT TAKES, JUST BE READY" GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 8:56am

I think there is a danger in game-playing. If you are honest and truthful and the relationship doesn't work out, at least you can know without regret that you were yourself. HOWEVER, I do not in any way think a woman (or man) in a relationship should be a doormat. You said sometimes you were at work and didn't have time to talk. That's not game-playing, that's fact. The books are basically a game you play with yourself to give the appearance of being your own person while all the while still revolving your life around some guy. The ideal would be to have your own life, your own friends, your own interests, and to truly be too busy to spend every waking, breathing moment obsessing over him. And if he isn't willing to accept that, then you wouldn't want him anyway. If he's the type of guy who leaves you because you didn't answer the phone every single time he called, that would make him pretty clingy and insecure. I'd say what you need to do is tell him how you feel, put your heart completely out there, and if that's not enough, learn from it and move on. And know in your relationship that the real man you want to be with, the one who is really "INTO YOU," will not fall in love with you because of some book you read.

Steph