almost 6 weeks but cant get over it!!
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almost 6 weeks but cant get over it!!
| Thu, 02-08-2007 - 3:05pm |
This is my first post..i found this board in the beginning of jan..when he broke up with me..i decided to post because i thought i would be over it by now...nope..i will try to make it short..we only dated long distance for seven months..i am 31 he is 38..things went fast very quickly..we traveled everywhere just 2 months after knowing eachoother..he was saying how after six months if he doesnt see a future he ends it with the person..but with me he saw a future...he always told me how much he cared for me..etc. etc..well i got pregnant three months after together..how everything changed...i told him i was keeping the baby..he didnt want me to..he said the only way he would be happy is if i did keep it..i moved to his state..in with him..etc...i was very depressed for a while..pregnancy issues..etc..emothions..i was hesitant about moving up there..didnt want to leave all my support system here..friends but mainly family..i finally decided to put my apartment up and moved in with my mom..told him i would move up there and try it..although i admit i was very scared and hesitant..and he knew this...end of oct..i went to see him..i ended up having a horrible misscarriage...lost a lot of blood..had horrible anemia due to blood loss..it happend when we were together...i hate to say it but i think he was releived!!! i really do..so now beginning of november..i am living at home, had quit my job...because we had decided i was going to stay home and take care of the baby..had gone thru all my savings...and the baby is gone....all of my life plans had taken a major turn..my life that i thought was going one way was about to shift...then..i say..do you still want me to move up here??? he said yes..but lets wait till after the holidays..that way you can spend good time with your family..o.k....we would see eachother everyother weekend..then..i had a carcenoma on my scalp that had to be removed...it was a very bad fall..i felt my life had completely fallen apart..when he met me i was this put together woman..great job..then i fell apart because of the pregnance..all the plans that changed..skin cancer..i was a mess that ended up becoming dependant on him..emotionally..and he would help me financially..which i was thankful for....it was like i totally turned into a mess..because of everything that happend....then in november..he started to complain..i always put my family first..my ex..had contiued to call my phone..i reassured my bf that i obviously had no interest..but did not want to change my phone number because all my recreuiters had the number...he started to pick at me..i was always in sweats...i never made a firm commitment to move....i never got dressed up..he started to nag to me and pick at things that never bothered him before..then ..he was with me during christmas..and when he got there..said..dont u feel things have changed? i said ..do u want to take a break? thinking thats what he wanted, not me....i told him i wanted to make things work..then i was upset about money..then it stressed him out..i told him..i would get a job very soon..but please understand what i had been thru....we fly back to his state for new years..the next morning we wake up and says its over..i leave hysterically fly back hom..that was on a friday..i called him monday..he says he tried for so long..i didnt put an effort..he was done...after he said that, i told him i would do anything to make it work..move there..work 2 jobs i told him how much i loved him..he always said i was bad about expressing my feelings..i said i was sorry..i would be more open..and talk about things rather than blowing them off..he said i just brushed things under the rug...i basically was pathetic telling him i would do anything to be with him!! (something i would not usually do..i never expressed my feelings) but now i was expressing them..i felt pathetic..he told me it was to late..his feelings changed..he said he made such an effort and i made no effort..then he said he had to go....that was it..six weeks he has not tried to call..email..nothing..i feel used..and left..i know i played my part..i tried to explain to him i would make more of an effort..get my life back together..couldnt he see i was going thru emotional and physical pain? that was it..i have not tried to call or email him even once..i just feel i meant nothing to him..he didnt want to try..he just let me go..i am still heartbroken and wake up every mornng sick to my stomach..i think about him constantly, it is so hard to let him go..he is the kind of person that when he is over someone..he is over...ill never forget him telling me that his dad..a few weeks before the breakup was putting doubts in his head about me..saying i was to attachted to family..and my bf needed to find someone in his own city to date!! help....

Hi bellaa,
Welcome to the board, I hope you get a lot of good advice.