alone on Thanksgiving

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
alone on Thanksgiving
2
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 1:15pm
My husband and I have been married for about 11 years and have been having some problems and we have discussed divorce but supposedly we are both working on saving our marriage. Well about 3 weeks ago he told me his sister had invited him home for Thanksgiving and he really wanted to go . I knew if he didn't go he would pout and ruin my Thanksgiving so after several fights about it we bought him an airline ticket. I couldn't go because I have to work today. I live in a city where I don't know anybody so it was just me and my child for Thanksgiving. Now whenever he calls to see how we are doing I don't even want to talk to him because I don't want to hear about what a great time he is having when I am all alone and dealing with a sick child on top of it all. And I know he is mad at me because I don't want to talk to him. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 1:41pm
I know how hard it can be not to have the people you most want to be with on important holidays. I do think it was a little selfish of him to leave his wife and child home while he went away to his family when he must have clearly known you wouldn't have anyone to spent the holiday with. And the fact that you believe he would have pouted through Thanksgiving had he stayed home, shows he is a little immature. I think you need to have a serious talk about what is going on with you two, and why he so badly wanted to get away. However, I urge you to do it when your child is not there, in the event it turns into a fight (which it sounds like it very well might). My parents fought around me all the time, and put me in the middle of it at times. They would even do this on major holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and even my Birthday. I urge you to try and keep things civil around him/her, because you don't want your child to have a bad association with every holiday or even one for that matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 1:43pm
Let him know how you are feeling. There's nothing worst than bottling up feelings, especially when they make you sad. Express how you are feeling, you don't have to be hurtful, just be truthful. Try to think about this situation from a third party perspective. Ask yourself, how would any women in my situation handle it? Would they yell and scream, would they be understanding, would they suck up their feelings and say nothing? Would they all react the same way I did? If you are trying to make this relationship work with your husband, be truthful to yourself and your values and beliefs, don't do things because society does it, do them because you know they are the right thing to do! I hope that you remain true to yourself and express your feelings, not abusively but truthfully. I know that people appreciate the truth, rather than build up anger or passive agressive comments.
I hope that your son feels better, remember there will be better days for you...