Am I actually doing OK or am I in denial

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Am I actually doing OK or am I in denial
10
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 10:36pm

Hi all. I had posted about my breakup a couple weeks ago. He left me after 3 years of him leaving and coming back maybe 5 times. Each time I wanted him to come back so bad and he eventually would. I cant completely say that I dont want him to come back again, but I'm not sure.

I'm actually doing OK. But it could be due to a few factors... a great friend of mine is doing her best to keep me busy and lets me talk about it whenever I need to. I've been IMing with a coworker of mine that was interested in me before the breakup every night which makes me feel wanted and good about myself. I hang out with him some, but I dont want a relationship with him. He's been a great guy to talk to. Also there is a guy thats a friend of a friend that I've hung out with a couple times. I kinda had a crush on him before my breakup and now I've hung out with him a few times with other friends though.

So my question is, am I in denial that he wont be coming back. I do have a little bit of hope that'll he'll come back to me. I think of it everyday. But there is also a side of my mind that is telling me that I'm better off without him. He was verbally abusive and had no ambition for his life. Maybe I just get lonely because I'm so used to him being around. Its just hard because he has been my best friend for 10 years. I've had moments of weakness. I've texted him twiced and sent an email to him. He hasnt responded to either. Is it possible that I'm forcing myself to hang on to him to hang on to the past and not go on with my life and venture into the unknown.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 11:18pm
I feel the same way with mine. Do you want to talk about this on Facebook/MSN or something if you have it? Send me a private message.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 11:38pm
Hi nicole. I sent you an email. I'm not sure how to send a private message.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 12:03am
The email account I have listed here doesn't work anymore. I am afraid to put my real name/address here though just because it isn't private. I believe I may have one other address which I rarely check. It's filledesannees1980@yahoo.ca ... I believe. Try writing me there and I'll check it tomorrow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 3:53pm

Hi Marcie,


Well, it could be denial since in 3 yrs he's left 5 times and kept coming back. Maybe you expect him to come back so it keeps you from having to deal with that it may really be over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 7:55pm
Thanks for your reply Carrie. I hate to admit it, but I think you may be right. Although, I don't fully expect him to come back, I have WAY too much hope that he will. And I'm afraid that that hope is what is getting me through the days. I'm guessing its impossible to really start the grieving process if I hold on to the hope he'll come back. But how do I let it go if it really is a possibility? I'm just confused I suppose.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 9:16pm

Just embrace how you feel when you feel it, but remember it requires on action on your part even when you are uncomfortable (action meaning calling him or contacting him). The action you take is to write about it, cry about it, vent about, be distracted, pamper yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 1:51am
Ugh .. that email account is inactive. I have no idea how to read the email you sent me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 7:21am

Hi nicole,

I realize the account you posted is inactive, but I'm still going to ask you to go back into your post and edit it out before the powers that be do it for you. Hate when they do that. ;-)

Anyway, you can email each other through the profiles you set up on iVillage when you created your accounts. Just click on the person's screen name and it gives you that option if the other person has activated that option. You can add that option anytime.

Plus, it's not necessarily a safe thing to post your personal email for the whole world to see. Did someone say spam? ;-)

Thanks and have a great day!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 8:23pm
Anyone have any insight?! I think I am just in denial because right now it's taking all I have not to call and text him. The only reason I'm not is because I know he wont answer or reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 7:51am
Hi marcie1617!