am i being a doormat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
am i being a doormat?
Tue, 03-11-2014 - 1:28pm

So here is the situation:

Boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and 1/3 months lol. Very specific I know. We have been having a fantastic time and literally I have never felt this great with anyone else. Mainly because I feel like he is caring, sympathetic, genuine and has good intentions with me. I met his parents, siblings, he showed me this house he is planning to buy. His parents have invited me over, they told his family about me. I guess I've been trully enjoying this feeling. I've never felt more wanted.

So, here is the problem... we started having sex about a month ago. We have not been using protection except for one time (I know stupid of me!!!). So, I was helping him make his bed, I decided to go through the corner to make sure to tuck in the sheets well. As I pushed the bed a little, I found a used condom on the floor. I confronted him immediately. That same day, as I was looking for my shirt, I found another used condom on the other side of the bed. 

Mind you, I have slept over a few times and although I've never searched his room or stuff, I find it odd that he hasn't stumbled upon these condoms. The times that I've been to his place, his room is always a bit messy although the rest of his place is neat. The first time I slept over it was unexpected, I ended up coming over, so he excused the mess. Since then, I guess he hasnt felt a need to clean it much.

After confronting him, he states that since meeting me he has not been with anyone else; that he has not cheated and although this is extremely embarrasing to him and disrepectful it is to me, he promised he has not had sex with anyone else. Prior to me he was sexing with some girl whom he was not serious with. According to him, he does not make it a habit to introduce his family to girls and I've been one of 2 girls who has been introduced. His family is trully the sweetest. And his relationship with his mom is one that I truly admire. He has not given me a reason to mistrust him. Other than the condoms (huge red flag) there has been absolutely no red flags. He welcomes me to his place at any time or day without specifically planning for it. He even expects me to surprise him and show up whenever I want. - I haven't done that, but I find him to be very open with me. A man that had someone on the side would act a bit suspicious. 

So although I am choosing to believe him. It seems like he cannot bottle this idea. According to him, if the shoes were on the other foot he doesnt know if he could believe me. And if  one of his girl friends were to be telling him this, he would advice them to step out of the relationship without hesitation. So this is my dilemma.

I told him he is questioning my trust in him and therefore questioning my perseption of my self worth. I've been in cheating relationships, I know the instictive feelings; I know the unease... I've been in those shoes before. But my instict- as crazy as it sounds, tells me that he is not lying. Yet, his empathy is making me question whether I am being too soft or being a doormat.