Am I being foolish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Am I being foolish?
11
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 3:38pm

I'm very confused right now and could use some advice. I've posted on this board before, but I will try and give a very short recap.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 8:02am

This is the learning aspect of relationships, you learn what works in general and specifically what works for you. In one relationship, you realized you didn't like the way that one swung too far apart, and in this one, you realize too much closeness doesn't work either, it takes seeign that to learn to achieve that happy medium ;)

It seems perfectly normal to me that he'd want male buddies to hang out with, let a little loose with, be a guy with. Even though I'm sure he could be himself with you, it's still not the same as hanging with the guys. It's very possible he's doing a grass is greener thing, but hopefully that's not how he deals with isues that come up in his life. If he's getting things out of his system now, that's a good thing. It's better that you're not waiting around while he "finds himself"

Instead of suggesting he go out clubbing, you might suggest he go to a sports bar to watch a few games. Mention it and drop it, though, don't mother him through it. (Not saying you would, but some women do that and it backfires.) He'll meet other like-minded guys (want to go out and bond but don't want to club) and he can start to enlarge his circle of male acquaintances. Guys don't need much together-time anyway, they're pretty happy taking in a game and calling it a night for the most part ;)

The time apart in relationships isn't so much about cultivating other friendships although that is certainly a benefit of it; it's really about cultivating **yourself** so that you actually *have* something to bring back to the table. That goes for both partners.

Good luck,

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