Am I Being Overly Harsh On Him?
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|Mon, 06-16-2014 - 6:39pm|
It has been a while since I've posted. I've been with my bf for 8 years. We have been through a lot, from stalkers to cheating (him) to not being accepted in the family for the first few years (stil a bit awkard now), and so much more b.s. on and off that we've worked through the past few years. I guess you can say we grew up and have been good. We rarely argue, and if we do it's about small things that we get over within the day. I mean, there really is not much to complain about yet here I am complaining!
Here is the thing. We are desperately trying to move. We rent. We can't afford to buy yet. I've been busting butt trying to make the extra money. He works too, but the past few weeks he's slacked a lot. I found myself working 12+ hours a day while he spent 90% of his time lounging, smoking, drinking with new friends, who I'm okay with, but I've begun to notice something more and more. Our worlds don't mesh anymore. I don't smoke (marijuana or cigarettes), which he does. He has always done so. I had an issue with that at first but got over it. He would always smoke alone since I don't or with a friend, who I have no problem with. For some reason now though, things have changed. The more he spends with these new friends the more I feel left out and by myself. I cook alone, clean alone (always have), eat alone, entertain myself. I am a homebody, major introvert, but never had an issue. If we wanted to go out we would, but we won't. He likes to stay in also. Anyhow, the new friends kept bugging to meet me, so they did. I hung out a bit but had to work so that was that. I'm always working so I don't hang with them. The thing is, even when I do, I get an unwelcomed feeling from my boyfriend. It's the tone in which he says things that make me feel like he doesn't want me around them or he'd rather have me inside. He never has asked me to hang with them either. In fact, he always tells them I like being alone and not hanging out. Now, he just takes off to their house down the street without even telling me sometimes, which is fine. He is a grown man, but I'd like to not be talking to myself only to realize he's bolted. These people seem to never sleep, so it can be 3 in the morning and they will be here or him there. It's all day and all night practically. Now, again, I have no problem with them. They are cool, a bit crazy. I guess I just feel a bit sad that he finds so much fun with them and seems to not want to share that with me or offer me that chance. Plus, over the past few weeks I've seen us really drift. It seems like i've become an after thought. I'll ask if he wants to watch a movie or something, and he will say maybe later but then literally spend the entire day with them. Then when he is done with them, he will ask me if I want to watch something. By that time, I've been working 12+ hours and want to sleep. Also, his attitude has changed. They are loud and boisterous people. The kind that will yell your name down the street to see if you are home. They allow their kids to smoke as well, which is whatever to me. They are the parenst and that is their choice, but of course, I don't agree, but it's their issue. However, he has picked up on their obnoxious attitude sometimes just being loud and sometimes rude or even over the top. Example, talking big as if trying to prove something. It's just an odd attitude.
The other thing that kind of gets me is he no longer seems interested in moving, as he is not putting in the work or effort. I'm the only one looking for places and busting butt. He was the one who really was pushing to move but now it seems he's changed his mind but won't say. I'm just at a loss. I love him deeply and want the best for him and us, but I feel like maybe it's time to move on. I don't care that he is having fun with new people. I like that. If he can't have fun with me then I'm glad he is having fun with them. He needs that. I don't have a problem with that. It's just I don't want to be the after thought or left behind since I don't do what they do. I guess I feel excluded. I can't explain it. Nothing really bothers me per se but I guess i'm just seeing more and more that we don't mix as well as we used to, and the more I see it, the more I feel he should do his thing and I should do mine. This has just been eating at me and I just needed opinions or maybe even just to talk. I feel maybe I am just being dramatic or harsh on him for not doing what I think he should be doing. I don't know. I just need some advice or two cents.