Am I being unreasonable?
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Am I being unreasonable?
| Tue, 04-04-2006 - 5:17pm |
For the past three weeks me and my boyfriend have been having run-in to the point where I think he hates me now. I don’t know. It’s all so confusing. It started with him downing my cooking to some friends that I took offense to. When we argued about it, he stated that he was only joking and didn’t mean anything by it, but when I told him it hurt my feelings, instead of him being understanding of that, he only got mad and called me sensitive. We didn’t speak for about two days. Then just when we were on the verge of making up, I caught him eyeing another woman when he didn’t know I was looking, and I blew up about that. I told him it only made me wonder what else he’s doing when I’m not looking. Again he blamed me for getting upset over nothing, and again instead of understanding my feelings, he got mad and we didn’t talk for a few more days. The final straw was when I found out that he told some of our mutual friends that I was being unreasonable, one of the people being someone I know is attracted to him. Now this really hurt because one of our #1 rules was not to discuss our relationship with outside people, especially someone I know would love to see us broke up. I know it sounds like I’m being extra sensitive, but we’ve dated for 8 months and never argued this much about petty things, and in the past, if something bothered me or him, we’d talk about it, apologize and kiss and make up. It just seems to me like he just stopped caring about my feelings. We finally talked last night and again this morning but it was like he did not want to be on the phone with me. He was very quiet and just kept saying that he didn’t want to say anything to upset me any further. I specially asked him if he was ready to give up on the relationship and he hesitiated before saying no. He didn't sound too convincing. At this point, I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much, but I’m so sick of the arguing and I’m sick of his nonchalant attitude about everything. I tried staying out of his way thinking he’s just tired of me, but then he’d come around me like nothing’s wrong and chitchat. But then he’ll disappear again and I won’t hear from him for hours unless I call him to ask what’s wrong, and again I’ll just get the silent treatment and the sarcasm. Was I so wrong here? Was I being too sensitive? And is this a reason to just stop caring after all this time? Deep down I want to tell him to just forget I got mad about everything and let’s just go back to being how we were, but then I’m afraid that he just won’t respect my feelings. I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost without him in my life and after all the argument we’ve had lately, I think this is the final straw.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship woes. However, it seems like your giving more than he is willing to give and that can only last for so long before you get tired. It also sounds like you know deep down that you are probably better off w/o him. If that's your gut feeling, then more than likely, you are better off.
It will get better.
MAN ARE YOU MY TWIN SISTER....JUST KIDDING. I'M JUST LIKE YOU MY DEAR. I WILL ADMIT IT I'M SO SENSITIVE, I'M JEALOUS OR WHATEVER I THINK IS NOT HEALTH TO MY RELATIONSHIP. I'M DOING IT. WELL NOW I GUESS I LEARNED MY LESSON.
RIGHT NOW I START CONTROLLING EVERYTHING TO ME. EVEN I KNOW ONEDAY I WILL EXPLODE...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WELL IT FOR MY OWN GOOD ANYWAYS. LESS ARGUMENTS
SO TO YOU MAYBE YOU NEED TO DO SOME CONTROLLING TOO
GOOD LUCK DEAR
Hi, I've been surfing these messages boards looking for answers to my own problems...which were very similar to yours. I say "were" because my BF of 8 months broke up with me tonight. The signs were all there as I think from what you wrote they are there for you too. I just held on because I was hopeful and truly did care for him. But we can't control our BF or their feelings and if he's not responsive to you and your woman's intuition is sounding an alarm - PAY ATTENTION! Don't ignore it. He seems to be on his way out even though he hasn't verbalized it to you yet. I was in the same situation...until finally he said it...but was I being fair to myself to hold on until he was capable of finally admitting it. Follow your intuition...mine has never been wrong thus far.
Good luck!
I am so sorry to hear that your boyfriend broke up with you. I went through the same issues with my ex-boyfriend. He would put me down in front of other people and later say that he was just kidding. We all know that any man that loves you would not want to deliberately hurt your feelings. It is very weird how when a woman asks her man how he feels about the relationship, he gives you a vague answer - but when he asks you how you feel about the relationship - he doesn't care because he wants out of the relationship. I think that when some people are in love, they ignore the warning signs hoping/thinking that it will not happen again, when it usually does.
You are so right about listening to our intuition. It is scary because you do not want to end the relationship, and regret it later. Good luck to you!
Edited 4/6/2006 12:24 pm ET by bliba151mh