Am I bitter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Am I bitter?
3
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 4:04pm

My ex was my first love and we've grown up together during our childhood years and dated throughout college and after. We were the best of friends, but we ended in a terrible way. He didn't want to commit, not for at least 10 more years, if ever. We still loved each other but we could not be together, and it hurt so much to talk to him "as friends" so I blocked contact with him since then.

It was a painful breakup, but I eventually moved on to someone new. Even though I am completely happy where I am now and would never consider going back to my ex, I still cannot stop thinking about my ex from time to time and wondering what the future would have been like if it worked out for us. He was the guy I've always dreamed that I would marry. Our friends and family always thought we would be together forever.

Since breaking up with my ex 3 years ago, I can't be happy for anyone else in a relationship, especially if they are still with their first love. I have friends who are in long term relationships with their first love, and I cannot help but wish that they would have fights or break up. I eventually want them to get married, but not to their first love. I think it is unfair that I spent years crying over my first relationship, feeling my heart break into a thousand pieces and losing my best friend, while others don't even know what heartbreak is. They dated their first love and is already making plans to get married, something that I've always wanted to do with my ex.

Am I bitter? How do I let go of this feeling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
In reply to: firstlove02
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 5:52pm

Dear firstlove, just because other couples are getting married, please don't think that is the end of the rainbow. Marriage is HARD! I know several people that married and had children with their childhood/high school sweethearts and the marriages ended because they didn't have that time to explore other options.

So rest assured, couples you are seeing get married may also experience the troubles you have, it will just happen later in their relationships. Be glad that you experienced it sooner than later. It happens to everyone. Learn from your experience. You did the right thing in moving on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: firstlove02
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 5:16pm

Welcome to the board firstlove02,


Yes, I would say you are bitter, a little angry and envious of people with their first loves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: firstlove02
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 6:10pm
You are very bitter, jealous and petty. Imagine for a minute if you were single and lonely and your friends were happy and in love. Then perhaps I can understand a bit of jealousy, but you are jealous because they are happy with their first loves and you are not with yours? That's really petty. You should focus on the fact that you found love again. There are so many single women in the world that are dying to be in a relationship again. I've had friends that were very jealous of my last relationship and now that it is over they do seem a bit happy and I don't feel like they are real friends. I told them the same thing I'm telling you, and that is you don't know what the future holds for any relationship. You are wasting precious energy that could be better used elsewhere.