am i crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
am i crazy?
2
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 3:41pm

I met this boy at college right before graduation through a few mutual friends. The only problem is that we are from different cities (about 5 hours apart). We hit it off great, and seemed to talk a lot more and get closer after we were both back at home. We were both fine with starting a long distance relatinship, and we even drove back to our school (which happened to be halfway between our cities) to see each other a few times.

Well, we were going out long-distance for about a month when he told me that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship (him and his ex of 3 years had broken up about 9 months prior, and he still wasn't over it). He assured me that he doesn't want to get back together with her, but he just wasn't ready for another relationship yet. He didn't want to hurt me because he cared about me so much. He had just started a new job and told me that this is the perfect time for him to be alone and not have any distractions to concentrate on work. He said he still wanted to be friends. The gist of the conversation was "I just don't want to lose you," "I want to wipe my slate clean and start over with everything," and "if we're both single in the future, let's get back together, but I can't handle a relationship right now."

Well it's been 2 months since that conversation and it hasn't gotten any better. I mean, there are some times when I feel like the friends thing will work out, but others when it just rips me apart. I just still like him so much, and I keep thinking I'm crazy because we've been "just friends" longer than we were even going out and I still feel like this. I've gone days without contacting him, and just when I think I'll be ok, he contacts me somehow, be it a txt message or a phone call or an IM. I've even tried telling him that I can't be "just friends" with him, and that didn't even work! I've tried blocking him on IM and then he'd txt me, and I can't figure out how to block txts or phone calls. I've also tried not to initiate contact with him; for a month now, he's always the one to initiate.

I guess I jsut feel psycho because we weren't even going out that long, plus we were only long-distance, so I shouldn't have become so attached, right? And I trusted him enough when he told me that there wasn't another girl, plus I would have definitly heard about something like that by now from one of our mutual friends.

I guess my question is, what do I do? How do I get over a guy who just won't take no for an answer? Should I just try telling him all of this one more time and hope he understands? I'm sorry for such a long post, and thanks for anybody who has advice or knows how I'm feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
In reply to: lemoncart
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 4:07pm

You're not crazy at all for feeling the way you are. And you don't even have to have dated somebody at all to feel the way you do. You can fall for somebody who was just a friend and then spends months, or even years, pining for them if you stay in contact.

You are right that breaking off contact with him is probably necessary for you. You have to follow through though. You may not be able to stop him from texting you or calling you, but that doesn't mean you have to stay on the phone with him. Just explain to him that you'll have to hang up on him if he calls because you can't take being his friend. If he calls and you recognize the number, DO NOT pick up the phone. If you don't know it's him until after you've picked up then just say, "I'm sorry. I've told you I can't talk to you anymore. I have to go." Then HANG UP the phone. Don't say anything else. He can call as much as he wants but he can't force you to speak with him if you make up your mind not to. He will probably keep calling at first in an effort to get you to talk. But if he never gets any response back at all, he will eventually reach a breaking point and give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
In reply to: lemoncart
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 5:58pm

thank you so much for replying. It's gonna be hard, because I got so used to talking to him since I've been home from school. Maybe I still think that if I give him time, he'll come around again. I dunno.

Thanks again for replying! I guess maybe I'll just write him an e-mail, I think that might be the best way of letting him know how I feel.