Am I fallling for his best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Am I fallling for his best friend
2
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 11:12am
I am very confused. My live-in boyfriend of 5 years left a few months ago. He as a commitment phobic. That is besides the point. In the middle of trying to get over him and the heartbreak, I find myself involved with his best friend. His friend is "happily" married. After the break up, the best friend and his wife were extremely supportive and caring. They watched over me. I owe them my life, I could not have made it without them. Suddenly, he and I have started spending alot of time alone, going to the movies and to dinner. He calls me every morning on the way to his job. Our conversations have turned to things that we should not be discussing. He is buying me presents, etc. It is starting to become a relationship, with all those exciting giggly feelings. I know that I am going to get hurt here. But I need this relationship so bad. How can I turn his guy away??? The alternative is to be ALONE. The attention he gives me feels so good, but I know that it is unhealthy. I am so afraid that something is going to happen between us, I don't want to hurt his wife. I told him that if his marriage ends that I can not have a relationship with him. He can not come running to me.

Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:49pm
HEY YOU! MEN LIKE THIS ARE NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO GET INVOLVED WITH. HIS WIFE HAD UNSELFISH MOTIVES TO COMFORT YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED- HE ON THE OTHER HAND DID NOT. THIS IS A DANGEROUS SITUATION. SHE COMFORTED YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED AND YOU WOULD BE SLAPPING HER IN THE FACE CONTINUING THIS PUPPY LOVE WITH HER HUSBAND. TURN THE TABLES AROUND AND THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IN HER SHOES. MAYBE YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM AND TELL HIM HE ISNT HELPING YOUR HEART ACHE BY SPENDING SO MUCH OR HIS VALUBLE TIME WITH YOU. IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY AND YOURE SINGLE SO YOUR FINALY SEEING IT. PLUS ANYONE TO TURN ON HIS FRIEND AND IN TURN GO FOR HIS X ISNT WORTH YOUR TIME. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT HIS WIFE AS THE BLESSING IN THIS CASE AND STAY AWAY FROM HER PARTNER, EVEN IF IT MEANS LOOSING YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM. YOU LOOK BETTER AS WELL, SHOWING HIM A FRIENDSHIP IS MORE VALUBLE TO YOU THAN LOOSING OUT ON THE WHOLE BAG ALL TOGETHER. I KNOW YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING- HOPE THINGS WORK OUT STACY
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 8:09pm
Being alone is not a bad thing. Trying to have a relationship with a happily married man just for the sake of not being alone sounds a little selfish.. don't you think? How do you think his wife would feel? They are married? Would you want to be in her shoes?

I would think the fact that he is your ex's best friend and he is married are 2 huge warning signs! Iw ould stay far away from this one... but that is just my personal advice.

Take care!