Am I going through grief too fast?
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| Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:30am |
Hello,
Sigh. My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I just broke up this weekend. I've done this before one other time, 3 years ago and I am determined to not go through the immense pain that comes with a hard break up. My strategy is to go through all the stages of grief as quickly as my emotions and my heart could possibly hold.
I've been preparing myself for the inevitable, so when he broke up with me-I was just numb. I cried a little, but it wasn't a flowing faucet. I made sure that our break up conversation was brief and to the point. Basically, it was: do you want to break up or do you want to try? After 5 minutes I finally got it out of him that he wanted to break up, and I didn't even sit to hear any more because I know what he's going to say anyway. I know that when most men break up with women, they don't usually tell the truth, so there wasn't really much of a point to sit and hear lies.
I called my friends and my family and they talked me through it. Of course, I cried but once again, not a flowing faucet. I've allowed for my emotions to flow freely whenever it comes. But most of the time, I'm just numb.
I don't allow for myself to think of any hopeful things like...us ever getting back together or even vengeful things...like hoping that he knows that he just lost the best thing in his life.
I've booked myself for some activities with my church and my friends so my mind is not on the break up 24/7.
I remind myself that it was for the best, and that you can't ever make someone love you if they don't. I've tried my best, and my best wasn't enough for him so I deserve someone who appreciates my best.
So I'm wondering: is this healthy? And if it is, does anyone have any other advice to ease this pain in my heart.
Thanks so much for your support. I truly appreciate it!
Nina

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Nah, I'd say you're right on track. Although I'd probably get rid of the idea that men tell lies when they break up. It's just not helpful, plus that kind of thinking makes women bitter and unhappy in the long run. Would anyone really like to hear that the reason was because they were naggy, or too high maintenance, or too needy and clingy, or got pitiful/boring/embattled, or that they couldn't stand the way a person did whatever? No. It's just better to keep some things to ourselves, why add insult to injury? Besides, you're much too fabulous to get bitter :)
Read the post "How to Get Over Your Breakup" down in the Resources folder, it has a ton more ideas for you. Remember, the head gets over a breakup quicker than the heart. Which is why at two months post-breakup, almost like clockwork, it will feel like you were "doing so well" and then you'll take an emotional step backwards. For some, it's quite unsettling, for others, not so much. Your heart is a that point trying to catch up with your head. I now you're not at that point now, but at some point, it'll come and you'll get through that alright too. We'll be here. I'm very sorry for the pain you're going through. I promise you'll be ok.
Good luck,
Hi corina582!
Thank you so much for your comments, support, and positive encouragement. It really is so so so helpful to hear that people are behind me and even giving me suggestions.
I just have one question: How do we not break the no contact rule if he calls me?
He keeps calling me. He called me this morning and wanted to see if I wanted my snow jacket (there is a storm in Boston). I said that I was ok and not planning on leaving the house. He asked if I was sure and then seemed a bit curt after I said no thank you again. (Am I over analyzing this? Maybe because I want to over analyze this?) I had told him that we will eventually need to talk about the house (you know that house that I used to live in...the house that has ALL of my stuff in), but he seemed like he was in a hurry to get off the phone.
Anyhow, when should I call him about house arrangements? Should I do it soon? Or should I wait until I am emotionally ready to go back there to retrieve my stuff?
Thanks again for all of your help and encouragements!!
Nina
It's best to just get that part over with as soon as possible after the breakup, prolonging the inevitable isn't going to make it go away.
Ripping off the band-aid hurts like hell at first, but the pain, while intense, is shorter-lived.
Hi Sandra- you're the bomb!
Hi hotrod and thanks
UGH...he just called me again. I'm going to call him tonight to talk to him about no contact. I don't even know if I can do it without breaking down.
It just hurts so so much. I'm doing so fine, and when he
Corina
Since physically speaking to him seems to set you back, or at least upset you, why dont you email him and let him know that it is best for both of you to begin NC?
Hi corina582!
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