Am I going through grief too fast?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:30am |
Hello,
Sigh. My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I just broke up this weekend. I've done this before one other time, 3 years ago and I am determined to not go through the immense pain that comes with a hard break up. My strategy is to go through all the stages of grief as quickly as my emotions and my heart could possibly hold.
I've been preparing myself for the inevitable, so when he broke up with me-I was just numb. I cried a little, but it wasn't a flowing faucet. I made sure that our break up conversation was brief and to the point. Basically, it was: do you want to break up or do you want to try? After 5 minutes I finally got it out of him that he wanted to break up, and I didn't even sit to hear any more because I know what he's going to say anyway. I know that when most men break up with women, they don't usually tell the truth, so there wasn't really much of a point to sit and hear lies.
I called my friends and my family and they talked me through it. Of course, I cried but once again, not a flowing faucet. I've allowed for my emotions to flow freely whenever it comes. But most of the time, I'm just numb.
I don't allow for myself to think of any hopeful things like...us ever getting back together or even vengeful things...like hoping that he knows that he just lost the best thing in his life.
I've booked myself for some activities with my church and my friends so my mind is not on the break up 24/7.
I remind myself that it was for the best, and that you can't ever make someone love you if they don't. I've tried my best, and my best wasn't enough for him so I deserve someone who appreciates my best.
So I'm wondering: is this healthy? And if it is, does anyone have any other advice to ease this pain in my heart.
Thanks so much for your support. I truly appreciate it!
Nina

Pages
Hello,
Thanks so much for answering my question about "heeled". I understand now.
Hotrod-I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce and I really hope you staying strong. How long has it been since you two went your separate ways?
Sandra-thanks so much for all your thoughts. Sigh. It's just that...I don't think he's a heel. I told him that he was right to make the decision that he did because I was very unhappy in the relationship as well. I needed things in from him that he could never ever give me (romance). I deserved better. I wrote him an email last night telling him that I don't hate him or blame him. I said that I was slightly grateful for making the decision that he did. I did not go into specifics.
Sigh. I keep going through the different stages of grief, one minute I could be angry and another I'm in acceptance. I just keep telling myself to accept the things that I can't change.
Last night I wrote him an email about moving my stuff and just to say my last goodbye (kind of for closure). I also talked to him over the phone and have requested for no contact. I was bawling like a cow the whole time--trying to get the words, "please don't call me" out. But it came out and he said that he would respect it because if it was hard on him-it must be hard on me. (You think?)
Today has been extremely hard. I'm a teacher and my kids have definitely notice a tiny change from me. I am trying so very hard to not take it out on the children because they don't deserve it. I'm trying and trying and trying. It makes me feel better to just write to you guys and I truly appreciate that you're writing back to me and acknowledging my feelings. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU!
Nina
Pages