Am I an idiot?? Im the dumper but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Am I an idiot?? Im the dumper but...
2
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 1:27am
Hi there...new to the boards..thought Id give it a try..hear so many great things about it!!
Well, try to make this short...I havent had a real serious relationship in about 3 or 4 years, and decide to go ahead with a guy who is a friend of mine, at the time only been friends a few months, we figured we'd give it a shot, happens great, if not oh well we tried. He is the perfect guy on paper, everything I wished I had in other guys that they just couldnt give me. But the chemistry just wasnt there like I had with other guys, I think the "friend" thing was always in the way for some reason, there was just no passion. But I tried, for 7 months, and the past few weeks have been going back and forth about what to do, whether to stay together or break up. Decided to give each other some space for a few weeks, see what happens. I realized in the last week that I have been more content being on my own, and not having to make excuses for the lack of passion, but miss having that friend around. Decided to have "the talk" with him this weekend about ending things. Last night was a huge break in his career and my friends and I went because he wanted our support. Things were going well until he purposefully pushed my buttons by being friendly with other women in front of me and saying goodbye to everyone but me. So I decided to end it last night, probably in not the nicest of ways. We both said some mean things, but tried to end it on a somewhat positive note that hopefully we can be friends down the road sometime since we were friends to begin with and we will run into each other at some point since we hang out at the same places and with the same people at times. I guess my problem today is I didnt think that Id be so emotional..Ive been crying and every time I try to talk to someone about what happened I get choked up about it. Did I do the right thing? I was so sure I needed to end things to make me happy and find that chemistry with someone else..but now Im worried I just lost the best thing I ever had!! Thanks for any advice...nice to have an unbiased opinion!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:53am

Maybe you're just realizing now that you might have had more with him than you thought. What caught me about yor post was that the relationship seemd to have been a litle over-thought-out. No to say it isn't a good idea to think carefully about our relationships and the steps we take in them, but some thigns have to be instinctive, gut-level, organic. Like your reaction to him somewhat paying attention to other women, that made you sit up and take notice, didnt' it? ;) Seems like you found the passion you thought was missing.

Take a few weeks, maybe a month, really get to know what's going on inside yourself and what your feelings truly are for this man before you go do anything drastic, like ask him for another shot. You may find you want him back, you may find you don't. Wait it out, see what your heart says.

Best,

~~.: Sandra :.~~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 11:38am
Thanks Sandra..I think thats great advice....hopefully if I realize I made a mistake it wont be too late...if not, well then that is my problem to deal with! But I agree...I think I need to take some time to myself to figure it out on my own. The only way to truly know.