Am I making a mistake?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Am I making a mistake?
1
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 12:57pm
I recently broke things off with my boyfriend of almost 6 years. I broke it off not because he did anything wrong (he is incredibly nice, generous and trustworthy guy)but because I think I fell out of love. I began to view him as just a friend awhile ago and things haven't gotten any better. I thought of him so much as just a friend that I could barely even stand to kiss him because it felt like kissing my best friend. I feel terrible because he is heart broken and worried about his life now because he is 25 and thought he had found the woman he was going to marry and now he is going to have to start all over in the dating world. I feel so incredibly guilty that I have been considering sacrificing my happiness by being with him again because I can't take the guilt. Personally, I have taken this break up really well, I saw it coming and prepared myself. However, I am worried about going back in the dating world, even though I am only 21 and have 3 more years of college ahead of me. I also haven't told my family because they view my ex as part of the family and I'm scared they will be upset with me for breaking it off and/or completely over react. I also fear they will think I'm heartless because I am taking this really well (minus the guilt) Has anyone been through something similar? Even if you haven't what advice do you have for me? Why can't I just love and want to be with this GREAT guy?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 1:44pm

I am sorry you are going through all this.

Your message sounds just like my ex. She and I spent 4 years together and I still wish we were together today. We have been apart 2 months now. She said she fell out of love and still feels nothing for me as of today. She and I seem to somehow be in touch still through strange circumstances. I run into her at stores, I see her truck in parking lots, she and I merged with traffic on the highway one day, and somehow we end up in an email back and forth until she says, stop emailing me.

She told me that she felt nothing while kissing me and it was like kissing her brother.

She also says she cannot understand why she can't love me being as I am such a great guy.

As for you feeling guilty, that's part of the breakup and you cannot ignore it. One thing you must remember is, if you ABSOLUTELY do not feel ANYTHING at all for this guy, then DO NOT get back together with him. If you do, it will just make matters worse.

My ex told me in 2005 basically, the same thing that she fell out of love for me. Back then, I was madly in love with her and kept emailing her and calling until she agreed to go out with me. We had a wonderful time on the date and got back together. In fact, it was really nice for the last two years and we got engaged and was supposed to get married on 07/07/2007. My daughter and I moved in with her and her two children within the last year and, to me all was perfect. But to her, it really wasn't. She kept trying to figure out why she wasn't so in love with me as I was with her. Of course, she kept this to herself because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. In the end, she probably hurt my feelings twice as much because, I was, am still are, so deeply in love with her.

So, from my point of view, even though she tells me she feels nothing for me, I still try to believe it's just a faze she is going through and someday, she will wake up and realize she misses me. I know it's a fairy tale.

Do yourself and him a favor. If there is indeed no feelings, tell him so and do not contact him or be around him ever again. Every time I see my ex, I get butterflies in my stomach and start feeling like I can convince her she made a mistake. It's not healthy for either of us. She feels guilty and I wish we were back together.

Good luck on whatever you do.

Rob