Am I right in breaking up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Am I right in breaking up with him?
4
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 12:30am
I have been going out with my bf for 4 and a half years. Over the years I have gotten to know him better and our relationship on the personal level has gotten a lot better. He is my best friend and I can talk to him about anything. However, during the last year of this relationship when he moved out on his own, I started to realize that he is not responsible, as in handling his finances. This has drawn a BIG rift in our relationship. I have repeatedly told him that he cannot complain that he does not have the things he wants (little things not like cars or anything) because moving out has cost him quite a penny, along with trouble finding a job. On that note, instead of saving for his rent, he went out against what I told him and bought a new cell phone. I was furious because I felt like I was helping him all along (which I dont mind) but he is not pullnig his part. I told him that and he believes that he is because he is looking for another job. Problem is, his credentials won't land him a high paying job and he needs to learn now that he is on his own he has to be satisfied with the little he has or go back for more education (which he refuses to do). So long story short, after 1 year of this, I am basically tired of helping him when he is not helping himself. I love him too much to see him get hurt but I am seriously tired from this. But do u think there is still a chance? Our relationship besides this is excellent. It has only soured because of this. Its hard because he is my bestfriend. I would appreciate any advice. Please post. thanks so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 4:12am

Hi Stella,

Speaking from experience, I say go with your head. I know how easy it is to go with your heart, and to sweep those nagging doubts under the rug. I've done it way too many times! This man is irresponsible. Maybe everything would be perfect if he was more responsible. But it's not gonna happen. I don't know how old you are, or he is, but it doesn't really matter. I've been in relationships with a couple of men in 30's and 40's, who just wanted to live like adolescents and let me take care of them. It seems you have a lack of respect for this man, as well you should. I suggest you cut your losses and hold out for someone more ambition.

Best Wishes!

Sue

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 11:28am

He sounds a lot like my ex-fiance.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 9:12pm
In short: this guys doesn't fit your standards and you're pushing a dead weight. He doesn't know how to handle his finances and it seems his life and he's not interested in doing so. You're trying to change that but that's not possible...he's got to change himself. After 4 years you realize that it's not your job to push him...he has to push himself. Better cut your losses and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 12:19am
Thank you everyone for responding. I understand what you mean. I had a "talk" with him today and I realized it is partly my fault why he is the way he is. He says he feels like I've been mothering and pampering him too much and instead he says I need to let him screw up and learn on his own and Im not doing him a favor by constantly doing stuff for him. So in this next step, he has decided to get his own bank account and try to handle his buisness. He realizes how serious I am about this and at this point, I don't know if I should hold my breath and hope or just...well you know. Thanks everyone again. =)