Am I on the right track??
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|Wed, 02-06-2013 - 12:43am|
A little backstory, when I was younger (around 21) I had dated a girl for four years who broke my heart. It took me months to get out of bed; I lost over 40 pounds; it nearly ruined my life and drove me to suicide. I felt like I was the perfect guy back then. I treated women with amazing respect, caring, love, and affection.
Since then it's been a slow recovery. I became a shell of who I once was. I acted happy to make myself happy and it seemed to work, except I lost part of myself. I became only concerned with short-term, quick flings and relationships. My longest relationships in the five following years were a week and another for a month. I was terrified to give myself completely to anyone because I would get hurt again so badly. I was traumatized.
I am now 29. Four years ago I met a great girl and being who I was I immediately started a physical relationship with her before I got to know her. Well, long story short, I began dating her after a couple months and then quickly afterward learned that she had been pregnant for abot a month. We ended up having beautiful twins and we seemed to be making it work for the past four years. Despite my unwillingness to open up to her and her to me, we stayed together and we fell in love.
About a week ago we had a fight, and she left. She had never done that before so I was a little confused. She told me that she had been feeling depressed about our relationship for about a year. I had no idea, because we never talk about our relationship.
Now looking back I see how foolish we both were for not trying harder to grow in our relationship and make it stronger instead of just going through the motions. I immediately knew I had to make a big change for my family and become the person I once was long, long ago. Unfortunately, she is unwilling to give me a chance. She just tells me "I don't want to give you a chance right now. It's too late. I don't know how I will feel in six months." and so on...
At first I was depressed, but it only lasted about 3 days this time. I only lost 12 pounds this time. I regained my ability to think clearly after about four or five days. One of the main reasons being, I did some snooping (which I have never done) and looked at the phone records and found out she has been talking to another man for around two weeks. He is a rep from her work. As far as I know they have never had any physical contact. I do know he lives several states away so they cannot meet up or anything. But she had been talking to him from the moment she woke in the morning to the time she got off work and texting him all night while I was in the same room with her and the kids.
Now we are at a point where she is planning on permanently living at the friends house that initially took her in. We are giving up our apartment, because I cannot afford it alone. I will be forced to live with friends. It tears me apart to see my family fall apart seemingly out of nowhere. I told her I would be willing to do anything to fix this is she would just work with me, but she said no. She wouldn't talk to me unless she was picking up or dropping off the kids, and then she was very cold and uncaring. The last thing I told her when she said she was unwilling to try to work things out was that I couldn't do it alone so I needed to try to move on then. I stopped trying to contact her for the later part of the week and the weekend. I only talked to her about things we needed to discuss like money and the kids and our jobs. I was able to convince her to give me another month here, with us both paying the bills, so I could get a clear plan together.
After all the time apart I feel like she is starting to break a little bit. She posted a sad looking picture of herself on facebook. I posted a million happy pictures of me and the kids and my family. I haven't tried to talk to her about the relationship since last week, but tonight I offered for her to come over next week and watch a movie with me. She accepted without hesitation. I feel like this is a step in the right direction and maybe she was just so emotional that she didnt want to think about getting back together with me yet. I also have never in my life bought a girl flowers and she knows this, so I was planning on getting her some for our 4 year anniversary (this weekend) and telling her this is not for our anniversary, but for all the ones before this.
I was really kind of a jerk to her our whole relationship with just occasional shining moments where I would do something really sweet. For me doing a little bit felt like a whole lot because I had never been that way for 9 years. But she has never been in a long term relationship and she is 26 so she was expecting more. I feel like I can be that person again, and if she sees that she will fall in love with me even more than she thought she was before when I wasnt trying.
So am I on the right track? Slowly trying to sneak my way back into her life so she will give us a chance to work on our relationship? I have never felt such an immenant threat in my life like losing my family. I'm a lot stronger now than I was when I was 21, but I don't want to walk away from my family without trying everything to save it.