Am I totally crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Am I totally crazy?
5
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 9:28pm

Hi -
So I was in a 4 month online relationship with this guy who lived few hundred miles from me. We had a lot of fun and friendship, though our emails never crossed the line, there was always an undercurrent and chemistry. We seemed to laugh at similar things, same jokes and I honestly felt we had a connection. Recently when I suggested we meet (and we are both single), things suddenly changed. And I got the cold shoulder. Upon asking straightforward, he says he wants to only keep a professional relationship..no more jokes..nothing. I did not push the issue; just said fine and hung up. Now this is same guy who just last week was very caring, very concerned..(I was having some health issues)..And now suddenly he is like a total stranger. As if we never shared anything. He used to give me lot of support emotionally.

I always knew things might change if I suggested meeting. But even then, I kept it to a friendly thing saying ..hey..let's meet. I did not go overboard. But now, he wants total cut off. What the HECK is going on? He is definitely not married.

Anyway, so I am thinking of now just sending him a final email saying good bye and just want to thank him for all he did for me over last 4-5 months. He did enrich my life and I thought I will send him this letter and bring things to closure. Now am I being nuts? Why dont I feel angry? I just feel sadness and regret..Why do I still want to say thank you, and goodbye. But I so want to do it..has any of you felt this way..? Am I crazy to think about doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:15pm

No, you are NOT crazy. I sent a thank you email to my ex of 5 and 1/2 years on the day he ended it. That was my way to have emotional closure so I can start healing process right then. But I also wrote him no more contact.

You said he was very caring and supportive. Maybe you only knew part of him. I thought I knew my ex so well, but then I realized he was not the man I thought he was.

I am sorry you cannot have anymore emotional support from him. Do you have friends or family you can talk to? They can probably give you the support you need.

You might feel angry later or you may not. I think you are in early stage of grieving. I would say it is normal for you to not have angry feeling since you are still in shock.

You are not alone in this. I wish I could give you better advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 5:54pm
i'm just so curious....did he change when you guys met??? or either you guys are planning to meet and see each other...and maybe i'm assuming he got scared that you might not like him??? something like that????
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 9:54pm

No, we haven't seen each other face to face yet. When I suggested, he seemed ok, but next day, he totally changed and became cold and distant. And wanted to cut all connection.
I was thinking same thing..he maybe thinks I maynot like him and wants to break off himself first. But again, that could be my wishful thinking.
And maybe he just wants off. I am debating whether to still see him once for closure, if nothing else.

And thanks both of you for replying. I felt very bad whole daybut now after reading, I feel a bit better.

Any clue what's going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 4:51pm

YAP...i know exactly whats going on....i'm assuming he gave you the wrong info about him(personality and looks)...now his scared that his going to be BASTED...what do you think???

girlfriend you dont need this kinda jerkkk in your life...as a friendly advised be very careful who you meet and talk in the internet...just for your own sake!!!

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:32pm
Ok..here it is. We both work in the same place so I know he is not a weirdo out of the blue. Maybe he is terrified of starting up something or whatever..but just meeting would have been no big deal really. Or maybe he thinks I want more and just wants out right away. I do know he is not married nor does he have a girlfriend. I do know he is insecure and maybe doesn't want to feel rejected..I know I should let it go really. But it hurts that someone could be so caring one day and totally cold the next day. In some ways I need a closure..