Am I totally twisted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Am I totally twisted?
3
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:09pm

Just yesterday my boyfriend of 10 years asked me to check his email while he was at the barbershop. So I did and in the in box was an email from a women. This women stated that he had left his hotmail address on her computer and she was just dropping him a line to tell him that she loved him (4 times!) I was crushed. This is not the 1st time we have been here. The last 2 years have been a replay of this situation. IN 2 years 4 other woment that I know about have left him voice messages, text messages, emails or letters on his car telling him how much they love him. He tells me that they just come out with it on their own and he never tells it to them back, and he doesn't love them, he loves me. The last time he promised me that he was going to stop with all this, we have 2 children and a life together...But he didn't.

When he finnally told me about everything or the things he wanted me to know I told him it was over. Fine right? No. He beggs and pleads don't just cut us off forever. We talk all night-I am heart broken and confused but according to him we will be allright.

Then this morning, he tells me that it is over and that he loves me he doesn't want to spend his life with me. I Bring too much drama into our lives. (He says this because I replied to the womes email). Even though it is all because of his actions, he can't do this anymore, I should not have got her involved.

Now I feel so scared and lost. Yesterday I was heartbroken and ready to dump him and move on. Now I feel desperate to win him back. I've called him atleast 20 times today and he only picked up 3 times and now I am beside myself?? What is my problem?

I know that he is a lying dirty dog and I can never trust him, but why am I feeling like this, he turned it aournd on me and now I am being "dumped"...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:08pm

While I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to call names to yourself, it does sound like you could benefit from some counseling to help you raise your self-esteem. You deserve better than someone who lies and cheats! And you need to give your children a better example of what behaviore to NOT tolerate.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this but he's not going to change. Do you REALLY want that pain in your life?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:37pm
The counseling advice was very good... not because you are messed up in some way, but when someone treats you the way you have been treated for so long, it is bound to affect your sense of self. This guy is very manipulative and is just twisting the situation around so that he leaves you, not vice versa. Don't fall for it... you dumped him... prove that by walking away!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:25pm

Thank you, I do realize that this is not a relationship that I want to be in. I guess it is hard to let go of someone I thought I knew. And hard not to blame myself for him going outside of us to other people (it wasn't just 1 woman at a time, this last time he admitted to having 3 others at the same time, not including myself)

I think I will find someone to talk to, I feel like a part of me has died...Maybe it is the comfort issue, I know that he is not the only man alive and I will move on and it will stop hurting, but I am terrified. I haven't been without him in 11 years...