Amost 2 months and still hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Amost 2 months and still hurt
5
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:54pm

I have posted my story for those of you may not know it.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21541.1&ctx=128

Well anyways it is now almost 2 months and i still feel like crap. I am missing him so much and wish things could go back to normal.I feel like i will never stop missing him and this really sucks. How long is this gonna take. I only think about our life together and although i was not happy for months i dont want to be alone or give up on 8 1/2 years of my life. I am only 23 and feel like my life is over and am asking god to take me cause i feel i have nothing here to live for. Someone please help me understand when and how i can feel better. Will i always feel like i do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:58am

NO, you will not always feel like you do now. you went out with this man for 8 years, so my guess is that it will take longer than two months to begin moving on. you just have to constantly remind your-self that HE is the one who caused you all this pain and decided to break it off. whenever you feel hurt, do not blame yourself, remember that it is his fault you are feeling this way. furthermore if he decided to hurt you so badly and end it...you should try and remember that he is not the guy for you right now, and that you shouldnt want to be with someone who is willing to hurt you like this!

have you guys spoken since the split? in your own opinion why do YOU think you are still hurting? do you do tihngs every day that will remind you of him? do you make an effort to go out with friends? are you trying to move on, or hold on to your past?

I recently went through a breakup as well, and i am still in recovery...but i feel as though i'm slowely but surely letting go. my ex treated me like sh*t and then told me he just didn't have THOSE feelings for me anymore. i was crushed. but anyone who wiell put you through pain like that snt worth your time. here are ome quotes that may or may not help you (i know they help me every day)

"anyone who limits her visions to memories of yesterday is already dead" -lily langtry

"life is either a daring adventure of nothing. to keep our faces towards change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable" -helen keller

"now is not the time to cling to what was, but to amend what is" -helen hayes

"let go of what you can't change, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. life is too short to be anything but happy."

best of luck! let us know how you are!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:05pm

National Suicide Hotline 1-800-Suicide (1-800-784-2433)
Man is the only animal that has to be encouraged to live. Friedrich Nietzche

Please, please call them. I met my first husband when I was 13 and we married when I was 19. It didn't last long. There was a part of me that knew it wasn't a good relationship, but I was afraid... afraid of failing, afraid of myself, afraid of being alone.

The best investment you can make is in yourself. That means going for help NOW. Counseling, journal writing, self-help books.

You will not always feel this way. You need to grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been. It hurts. There is no way around that. Get inside your head and really label what you are feeling.

I highly suggest the book Feeling Good: New Mood Therapy, by John Burns, MD. It's a great book, it will help you talk back to negative thoughts triggered by others, help you identify through test things about yourself that will help you for a lifetime.

Please, please get help. People care. Things will change and it will get better.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:03pm
I just want to say that I feel your pain. It's been four years since my ex and I broke up, but he was my first love and as far as I know the love of my life. When he broke up with me I almost went over the edge, I was so completely devastated, and I couldn't understand it. We had had a good relationship and a lot had happened in our lives to drive us apart and he said he still loved me, but he still broke up with me. It will take a very long time to get over the pain you feel, I don't think it ever goes away completely. But as days goes by and things take up your time you'll find that you'll think of him less and less. That didn't happen for a long time for me, and I still think of him sometimes, but it's different for everyone. There will be songs or things that you see that will remind you of him and will make you cry but eventually the crying will stop and you'll just smile and remember what a beautiful thing you had with him. You'll always hold that special first love in your heart but it doesn't have to be your only love. And maybe a year from now you'll both have grown as people and find each other once again, and then it'll be the right time for you two. Or maybe you'll see him and talk to him and you'll see someone that you love but who isn't that person for you anymore. Either way, you'll survive this, broken-hearted and hurt for now. And maybe always a little sad that it didn't work out. But there's always hope for the future. Just talk to the people close to you, even when they get tired of it and you feel insane for still thinking about him. The people who love you will stick by you. Mine stuck by me for four years, so I think you have a good chance of your loved ones doing the same. I hope this helps a little bit, even if to just let you know that there's others who have felt the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 10:49am
Thank You all for your advice. To answer a few of your questions i guess i keep holding onto the memories and how do i and will i ever be able to let that go. We have been through so much together 8 1/2 yrs of my life that basically all my memories since i was 14 are with him and dont know what to do and where to go from there. We didnt have a bad relationship just got a little rocky towards the end but i guess that is what hurts most is that my WHOLE life wont be with him as i planned. This is what i cant believe. He was my best friend my everything i would have given my life up for him in a second and now i am here alone and confused why this is happening and will i Really ever find love again or will I only think about him and remember the time and things i spent with him and really never be able to move on? It is mind boggling how people get through this stuff when all you do is think about your past and how life just doesnt mean the same as it did when you were with that person. HUHUHUHUH I hope i can get through this!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 11:30am


i know what yyou mean. even my whole life was planned right down to the last T. by him. our marriage, our careers, our lives together...he orchestrated everything coz he was so sure we 'd end up togterh. that he wanted to marry. me. then he cheated. and then he left me.

whati dont understand is how do guys walk away from 4 years / 8 years ....from a time like that?? like you saiid your memories are all about him . so are mine. last 4 years we grew so much together. how does he forget everything in an instant like that? is it possible? what happens inside these men?? to turn back on 8 years of life?? why can't we do it. say that it doesn't matter. and its over. and thats that.