and so it was done

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
and so it was done
8
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:41pm

I told him to just go away. ...we dated, he didn't want a relationship, kept me on back burner as a fwb for a year. I was in love, and have just now ended it. I know it was for the best. I'm crying and sad, and why? I let go of someone who never wanted me enough.

and it still hurts, that now he will do just that, he'll go away.

incredibly teary eyed,
Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:42pm
Grace, sometimes the best things for us aren't the easiest. I wish you strength and hope with each day the pain lessens. You don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't give you the best...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:49pm

Hi Grace -

I thought you weren't in contact with your ex anymore - did something happen? Regardless, I assume that now it's "official" and that is what is upsetting you so much. Instead of holding out hope that you would get back together, you are realizing that it really is over, and that is incredibly painful. I just went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago and I was miserable. I don't know why this time was different than all the other times I told him not to contact me, but after a couple of days I just got angry. Really angry. I was finally able to see the situation objectively and I realize he was bad for me in many ways. Ever since I have been much better. Sure, there are times when get sad, but overall I'm much happier.

I hope you can get to the same place where you realize that he is not good for you. He has been dragging things out with you for over a year, which I'm sure has kept you hoping, holding on, and not healing. Try to write a letter (to yourself) that spells out all the things he did to hurt you, all the things that make you angry. That is what helped me snap out of it - maybe it will help you too.

I can tell from your posts that you are a sweet, kind person. You deserve someone who appreciates that and realizes how lucky he is to have you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 9:13am

Thanks for being so encouraging.... He did contact me again last week to chat like we were friends and I was short with him, and then called me at 1:30am fri night. I didn't answer, knowing what he wanted at that hour. So all this week had been eating at me, I was thinking about it and so I just asked him what it was that he wanted and he had some cocky answer about how he knows I want him. Well he didn't understand why I was angry, and so I just ended it.

To top it off, Of all days, last night I went to Walmart and there he was.... with his g/f, holding hands. I watched them for a second unable to move, and then left before they saw me. I lost it in the car crying uncontrollably. Me telling him to go away didn't phase him, he was still happy with her and I meant nothing. It's really strange I've never run into him before and then that day of all days???? Why

So last night analyzing that he is basically a piece of sh** who cheats on all his g/f's with me and whoever else. I came to the conclusion, I want the peice of sh** to want me, and how ridiculous that is. If I got what I wanted, it would be a world of heartache, I would have a user, an alcoholic, cheater and this is what I want for my child to grow up looking up too??? Intellectually I know how I will be so much better, it's my heart that is having trouble accepting it. It feels literally broke in two, and has been for so long and I'm just trying to hold it all together.

Thanks again, I am stronger today and I think almost relieved that it is over. finally.
Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 10:04am

Wow, your ex must be the same person as mine! :o) I'm glad you are feeling better. You KNOW you are better off without this jerk in your life. Please don't answer the phone when he calls (because eventually he will).

You deserve SO much more!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 12:53pm

Hi Grace,

I'm so sorry you're sad, as you know I know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going thru. It's so difficult to ignore your heart and go with what your head is telling you to do...but one day I promise you it won't hurt anymore and your ex will be a faded memory. One day--it may not be today or tomorrow or even next week, but one day he will look back with regrets--they always do. They may never let us know or may never do anything about it, but he will be the one with regrets and not you. Don't spend another moment being sad, or crying, or even thinking about him, he doesn't deserve that. Don't give him that satisfaction. Instead go out and enjoy the summer with friends and family and keep busy doing things that will put a smile on your face and make you happy. You'll see as the days go by it will become easier. Just know that you deserve someone you will love you unconditionally, treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and will bend over backwards to make you happy. It's hard to realize at this moment that you are better off without him, but you'll see eventually....

I feel your pain, I'm going thru what you are. But months has passed by and I'm not crying as much anymore, I've stopped begging the universe to bring him back to me, I no longer jump out of my seat everytime my phone rings hoping it's him, I'm not checking my emails anymore wishing he would write, no longer do I spend all my days and nights thinking of him and who he is with.....I did have a brief moment of weakness where I emailed to say hi, but his cold response made me realize that I have to cut that last thread of hope. I realized that if he loved me as much as I loved him, if he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him, if he even thought about me as much as I thought about him---then we would be together...but his lack of emotions/feelings/response has made me realized that there is no hope. If he didn't feel it from the getgo then maybe he will never feel it.

Grace I know it hurts when you love someone so much, would do anything in your power to make them happy--and they do not feel the same or give you the same in return. You are a strong beautiful woman --just know that there is someone out there you will walk to the end of the earth for you...just keep your heart open....abd keep telling yourself he's not worth it..

I hope you feel better....sorry for rambling

Hugs to you
Hema

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 2:17pm

Thankyou hema so much. I felt really strong and helpful when I was posting to you and little did I know I was on a downward mad dash to despair that I thought I had under control. Contact from him just destroys me, and I could see it happening, and I finally did it, I ended it.
You are inspiring, and I believe you when you say it will get better. It is the hope that is the hardest to finally let go. I knew for a long time if I pushed him away, then he would eventually just go away,.... I wonder how did I get so desperate for this man?? Deep breath

Thanks for giving me a safe place to hide out and lick my wounds. I'm moving on, and gonna try and never look back,
Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 10:14pm
Did you know he had a girlfriend? A year? Just be happy you are ending this negative part of your life. I just ended my 6 mos of mine telling me he couldn't commit. It was hard, but crying and getting all the pain out , eventually you wil feel better than you ever did with him.
How did it go on so long?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 6:16pm

Hi Grace,

I'm going through the exact same thing. Good luck and let me know if you have any good suggestions for getting through this:)

Lisa