Hey, Deb! It sounds like you are making some progress! Great job!
I think your conflict is very normal. Your relationship with your ex, just as it was not all good (as that part of us that wants to get back together come hell or high water wants us to believe), it was not all bad. You're beginning to really allow yourself to see and feel the stuff that didn't feel so great to you. I know for me, that stage is essential for helping me break the spell of craving the relationship and helping me move on. It also helps me, in the long run (often waaay down the line) in a more balanced way that sees clearly what worked for me and what didn't, what I really liked about him, and what I don't miss.
BUT, right now you're just MAD!!! Yeah! I'm so glad to hear you are no longer bottling up your emotions.
I think it's normal to want to express those feelings to him, but I encourage you not to. Write the unsent letter and burn it. Rant and rage to a non-mutual friend who will not relay any of the information back to him. Write it out here.
In my experiences, I have a couple of times expressed my anger/hurt to my ex. The best case scenario would be that I would feel a few seconds of righteous power-pleasure before it all crumbled and I realized I had to start NC over. Worst cases involved hurtful arguments or even a feeling of disempowerment. And then I had to start NC over again all riled up!
The person who hurt you cannot take your hurt away. The person who hurt you cannot help you in any way. Feel your feelings, but don't contact him!!!
Thanks Claudia and Carrie....I realized a little while ago that contacting him isnt what I want, because I know its only gonna hurt me more in the end.
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Hey, Deb! It sounds like you are making some progress! Great job!
I think your conflict is very normal. Your relationship with your ex, just as it was not all good (as that part of us that wants to get back together come hell or high water wants us to believe), it was not all bad. You're beginning to really allow yourself to see and feel the stuff that didn't feel so great to you. I know for me, that stage is essential for helping me break the spell of craving the relationship and helping me move on. It also helps me, in the long run (often waaay down the line) in a more balanced way that sees clearly what worked for me and what didn't, what I really liked about him, and what I don't miss.
BUT, right now you're just MAD!!! Yeah! I'm so glad to hear you are no longer bottling up your emotions.
I think it's normal to want to express those feelings to him, but I encourage you not to. Write the unsent letter and burn it. Rant and rage to a non-mutual friend who will not relay any of the information back to him. Write it out here.
In my experiences, I have a couple of times expressed my anger/hurt to my ex. The best case scenario would be that I would feel a few seconds of righteous power-pleasure before it all crumbled and I realized I had to start NC over. Worst cases involved hurtful arguments or even a feeling of disempowerment. And then I had to start NC over again all riled up!
The person who hurt you cannot take your hurt away. The person who hurt you cannot help you in any way. Feel your feelings, but don't contact him!!!
Hang in there!
Hi Deb,
I gotta second Claudia's advice - Don't do it. Resist the urge to dump on him..... it won't be pretty if you do it.
Thanks Claudia and Carrie....I realized a little while ago that contacting him isnt what I want, because I know its only gonna hurt me more in the end.
Im sure you wouldnt! LOL
Ohhh wait - cancel my last post!!
Well I read your other post first, and then I was sure you didnt see this one ! LOL
Claudia,
I think Ill keep ahold of this anger for a while,
Ok this is tough....but I slipped last night! I had 3 days of no contact in and I emailed him.
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