Angrier and Angrier

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Angrier and Angrier
4
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 10:21pm

I keep getting angrier and angrier when thinking about my ex-fiancee. I still can't believe one week after we broke up that he "hit it off" with another girl. I can not believe that one week after they "hit it off" this girl told him she loved him. We have only been broken up less than 4 weeks and I think he flew across the country this weekend to see her. She lives 3000 miles away! I live 10 minutes from him and he never came to me....I always went to him. Oh my God I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry! She "loves" him? She doesn't even know him! When I asked him if he proposed because he loved me and wanted to share his life with me or was it that he thought it was his time to settle down he said "Both!" My therapist thinks that this girl is "ripe" and saw an opportunity to settle down with a man who has a good job and makes a lot of money and she jumped on it. I loved him when he had NOTHING and my feelings didn't change when he started making more money. Money means nothing to me. It burns me up that he couldn't deal with me being sick for so long and just split on me! Whenever he had to go to a doctor for anything I made the appointments for him, I went with him, I picked up any medication he ever needed but he couldn't stand the fact that I was sick for nearly a year. I lost my job but was getting unemployment. He helped me pay my bills for 6 months but had the nerve to tell me I was taking advantage of him. When we broke up he said he felt like I didn't care about him and that when he needed me I wasn't there. HELLO, I was SICK! Let me ask you guys a question....If your fiancee or boyfriend called you on Christmas Eve at 4:00AM cursing you out, telling you he hated you then made a gesture that he was going to commit suicide would you have jumped in your car to make sure he was ok? I didn't and that infuriated him! I didn't because he was miserable EVERY Christmas I spent with him and every Christmas I felt like he was testing my love for him...this year I refused to be tested. Was I wrong?

Sorry for going on and off on tangents but there aren't many people I can talk to about this. I am so angry and so sad but my family keeps telling me to get over it and it's just not that easy! I fell in love with him when I was a teenager. Of course he had no idea who I was so when we met 10 years later and began to date I thought it was fate. He was the love of my life for so long it's hard for me to just "move on."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 10:52pm
I know what you're going through is h ard.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:44pm
I know EXACTLY what you're going through! My fiance and I broke our engagement about 2 months ago and I'm finally getting over him. He started dating again...I'm not even ready for that yet. But I get soooo angry with him because of all the things he does for her that he would never do for me. And you want to know what hurt the worst? He's been dating this girl for a month, A MONTH, and he "loves" her...and he calls me tonight to tell me that they are getting married in two weeks. What is up with that? I was so angry and furious this evening. This was just two hours ago that I learned this. What was I supposed to say to that? I know how you feel with your ex jumping through hoops for his new girl...because it took mine 6 1/2 years to propose to me, and only a month to propose to her. I don't know how to deal either...it hurts more than anything has ever hurt before...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 12:23am

I am so sorry to hear that! I know I'll be in that position soon!

I really can’t seem to understand men. When I found this card his new “love” wrote to him I didn’t know what to do first, laugh or cry. She said he “swept her off her feet.” I’d love to know how he did that because he barely laid a hand on me or talked to me for that matter. She said she was in love with his values and beliefs, WHAT? This man never talked to me about anything and I was with him for 7 years. Sure I know what his values and beliefs are but it took me a looooooooooong time to "figure" them out because he wasn’t the most outspoken person in the world. So it burns me up that he told her all of this and “swept her off her feet,” in a matter of a WEEK! I know he will end up marrying her. He is so ready to settle down it’s not funny! I asked him if he proposed to me because he wanted to share my life with me or because he felt it was his time he said “BOTH.” He wants kids in a bad way and when I said I wanted to wait ONE year before getting pregnant he thought his “dream” went down the tubes! So basically he is looking for a baby popping machine and he’ll take anyone who will jump on it! See, I think this girl saw $$ signs and figured he was her ticket to a grand life. She has NO idea what she has gotten herself into.

“Boys are STUPID, throw ROCKS at them!”

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 10:15am
I'm trying to deal with it in the most adult way as possible. I know that what he's doing is jumping in and making a mistake, but it's a mistake he has to make. I hope that things work out with the two of them. I don't get it either...sounds like your ex and my ex are so much alike. I don't understand how it can take the two of them 7 years to get to a place with you and I...and only weeks to get there with these new girls. I talked to my brother long and hard last night about all of this (my brother knew about it for a week), and he said "jen, you'll find someone"...i explained to him that it's not that I wanted him back...that wasn't an option in my head...i just thought i'd be a little harder to get over. It's like we ended our relationship and he was done...no tears...no fears...and i'm sitting home bawling for a month. I haven't even reached the point where i can go on a date with anyone yet because i'm not ready for that...and here he is getting married? I don't think you or I will ever understand what it's all about. And that's sad...but we'll both just have to move on and leave it as an unanswered question. It just seems like we're in such the same boat. Sad....