Angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Angry
13
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 6:47am
My ex and I broke up about a week ago - much to my surprise. I woke up today VERY ANGRY. I have a treadmill that I'm about to jump on but when does all this pain and anger go away? I start a new job on Thursday so that will help but I want to be in a good spot when I start working again. How do you stop thinking about him, and when he does creep in your thoughts, how do you stop thinking "I hate him"? I'm reading the books, journaling, and trying to improve my self esteem but WHEN DOES IT GO AWAY?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 7:30am

Hi Karvs,
I hope you are feeling bit better by the time you have read this...and haven't ruined your treadmill! (you'll just feel worse!)
I haven't got the exact answer for you...but what i want to say is that I know how you feel as this is exactly how i felt this morning. Its been a week. Was done in SUCH poor style...(and its the second time)...and even though No Contact is the only way forward...the bast*rd could have found an excuse to atleast check if i'm ok by silly text or email! But no. So i'm SO angry today because i want to tell him that the way he did it was BAD, the way he treated me (all of this just happened from no where!) was BAD etc, etc...
Ok...so this is what i did: I listed to some pretty heavy music on the iPod on my way to work. What kind of music do you like? I can honestly say that even though it only temporary...music HELPS! Even if it can just get you through that 1 hour a day that you are truly truly angry and needs some venting. Every day you deal with is another day closer to healing and feeling great again!
I can also recommend reading 'Its Called a Breakup Because It's Broken' by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt...i'm sure you must have read about this precious little Break-up Buddy book on these boards...i'm reading it a second time...its GREAT!!!
More importantly I would say that you need to reach out to someone when you feel like this...but NOT to him. My fingers are still burning like crazy today to email and say exactly how disgusted and disappointed I am...will it make you feel better...maybe...but maybe NOT!
So please get off that treadmill at once...and get some grooves going...smile....the brain is very gullible and you can make it believe that you are happy even if you're not...deal with your anger 1 day at a time...you know this is only temporary...and the more we let this get to us...the more control they still have over us. And they are the ones who couldn't appreciate us...we didn't do anything wrong...and i'm sure just like me...you did not deserve it....
Good luck with that new job girl....keep smiling and remember: there WILL be a day (very soon i hope!!!) when you will look back at today and think: that goodness i didn't wreck that treadmill...if i knew then what i knew now...i would never have let it get to me so badly!!!

XX

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 10:12am

Karvs,

What you are feeling is very normal and yes it does go away and one day you will look at this day and laugh. Do anything that does not remind you of him. If you wake up thinking about him write down what you would say to him if he stood infront of you right then. Treadmill sure will help a lot. Besides girl you are starting a new job. You will meet new friends there who will redirect your thoughts to new things. Right now think of your new job as the beginning of a new life without him. Have your hair done nail or eye brows waxed to look good for you. You know you are nice person and thinks of it as his lose not yours. Hopefully this helps and good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 11:49am

A week is not a long time but it sounds like you're doing ALL the right things!!!

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:38pm
Thank you Susan. Thank you everyone for your repliees. Today is a really bad day - But chatting w/people here does help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:45pm

Hi karvs and welcome to the board.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:56pm

Ah, you beat me to it, I was just about to post the link to the board website that has the information on thought-stopping.

To the OP--this technique really does help if you practice it. I find it takes a couple days to really get it down but eventually it becomes second-nature and is very helpful when you need to focus.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 1:15pm
Thank you SO MUCH for those suggestions. I will start incorporating them in to my day immediately. It sounds like these things will help me focus - which is exactly what I need to begin my new job - and move on. I'm printing this out now! Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 1:18pm
Nice to see you here....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:30pm
Yes, I'm on my second reading of ts Called a Breakup Because It's Broken'. LOVE IT!!!! I've actually looked for some similar books. The humor helps....somebody else's break up always seems to worse. Ha. You've really given me some excellent advice. Thank you. I don't want to give him or these emotions any more power. Have a great day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
In reply to: karvs
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 6:00pm

Karvs-
I know exactly how you feel, I live it every day and it's been since New Years. I have my good days and my bad (some more than others). Everytime I think I'm doing well I have a breakdown. I recently found out that he's seeing another girl already and it breaks my heart. I am currently looking to move out of state back to my hometown where my family lives. I am sooo sad b/c this breakup came out of nowhere and now he's seeing someone. I don't u/s how he can do this sooo quickly and just leave me in the dust.

I too read "it's called a break up b/c it's broken" and I loved it. However I wish that I could just blink myself happy and over this (it doesn't work trust me I've tried)

I had a mini meltdown today at work (that god my friends are nice and patient) I have yet to breakdown in front of him, which I think is a plus. I'm not answering his call b/c he just picks fights with me. I think he's just trying to push me away further so that I leave quicker. I don't call him b/c I figure if he wanted me to call then he'd be with me.

I, like you want the pain, sadness and emptiness to end and just can't do it.

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