Angry
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Angry
| Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:07pm |
it's been two months and I'm getting angrier than ever. I don't want him back, but I want him to want me back! I want him to realize what a jerk he was to me and how he pushed away all the love that I had for him.
I am not sure how to deal with my anger. Writting is not helping me. I can't get myself to exercise, heck, I barely make it through the work day.
I want to disappear. I want to hurt him like he hurt me. I don't make sense even to myself. sometimes I think I'm loosing my mind. Nothing makes me happy and I can't even think about a future for myself. I'm so uncomfortable no matter where I am or what I'm doing. Nothing makes me feel better.
I wish I could somehow check out of life, wake up and it all be gone...

I think we've all wished for that magical fast-forward button. I'm wishing for one myself right now.
I think the anger stage is the hardest to deal with--at least it is for me. Are you seeing a counselor? If not, think about it--I found it really helped me get through my last breakup.
Sheri
My therapist is the one who got me to the point of getting angry!!! I see him once a week. He suggested that I write out my feelings, but you can only write curse words so many times!!! :-)
He also suggested for me to scream into a pillow! That one I haven't been able to get myself to do yet.
I'm also sick of talking about this relationship. It's over and done with, why can't I just stop thinking about it?
Edited 11/1/2006 12:44 am ET by mayday27
I know how you feel. I was extremely angry and still get that way sometimes. It is very hard when that consumes you and you can't think about, concentrate on or focus on anything else. Believe me other people feel this way too.
My two cents: it is very hard to let go of someone you have the feelings for when you were willing to sacrifice for them and the relationship. Other people say "he's not worth it" but it does no good. I think a huge part of moving on is accepting the other person for who they turned out to be. That can be and is the hardest thing to do sometimes. You have a relationship with someone that's great for a long period of time and then they turn your back on you. You feel like your time, emotional energy and effort were wasted and not appreciated. Two things that helped me some: 1. Just because you are honest and love someone does not mean they will reciprocate. That sucks but unfortunately is a fact of life. 2. A therapist told me that in the last 20 years he has seen a dramatic increase in people who show love and affection but are not truly committed to a relationship.
Sometimes you only see the tip of the iceberg with people. They let you see only so much of them. When the real person comes out then it can be most unpleasant. Time will help. People have probably told you that and you are tired of hearing it. 2 months from now you will probably have let go of some of the anger you have. Feelings of retribution, rage and revenge really only keep you stirred up and if you act on those impulses only drag you down to a place you don't want to go.
It is also hard to accept that there are other people out there who will love you for who you are when you thought you were with "the one." There are good people out there for you and you will find one someday. You probably are not ready for that but it will come.
Thank you for your understanding post.I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier, It's been a few days since I've read my emails!
You're right the hardest part is accepting the person for who they turned out to be! Man did he turn out to be the absolute opposite of what he claimed to be. And now I know it was all an act. They say hindsight is 20/20. I can see the red flags now, like when he used to brag about how much he hurt his ex wife's brother because he "thought he was all that!!" and how he would say that he put his own children aside because they were not respectfull to his mother (their grand mother) NOW I SEE WHY THEY WEREN'T!
The old witch is selfish,inconsiderate,lies all the time,turns people against each other, and pretends she is mother Teresa too!! Now I see why nobody likes her. And for him to defend her, when she has ruined his 22 year old marriage, his relationship with his daughters, and now our relationship, is beyond me...
You're right I'm not ready to even believe there are good men out there!