Angry and Sad and Lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Angry and Sad and Lonely
14
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 4:29pm
As per my previous post, yesterdy my eb popped up on AOL IM after 2 months of nothing. Today, on a hunch, I searched the website where we met and found his personal ad looking for a new girlfriend. We only broke up 2 months ago and he told me that he couldn't handle a relationship and that he couldn't handle having a girlfriend. What I want to know is how can all these issues go away in only 2 months time!!!! What magical, mystical form of therapy did he find that "cures" ones problems in just 2 months? The kicker is that he hardly changed his profile and is using the same picture. I am just so angry. Angry that I spend the past 2 months in hell, wondering what I did wrong, what I could have done to save our relationship, not sleeping, not eating, crying all the time, falling into a severe depression, wanting him back so bad that I could think of nothing else. He wasn't even honest when he broke up with me. How could he be looking for a new girlfriend when he flat out told me that he thought he could have a relationship but realized that he was unable to do so because of his career. BTW, he DID NOT change his job so the problems he had before will resurface. He told me that he still loved me, that he was still in love with, that he cared about me and that the respected me. I know realized that this is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. I am hurt, I am upset, I am disillusioned, I am disappointed, I want to cry and am fighting it since I am at work and they are sick of me crying all the time, I want to call him up and curse him out, I want to scream! He threw me away because he couldn't deal with having a girlfriend and now he is looking for a new one! Who the heck is he kidding! I feel like a fool for loving him. I feel so stupid for crying over him and being miserable. The only good thing that has come out of this is that my confusion over the break up has cleared. I now know that there isn't any chance of us getting back together. That it is over and I have to move on. All hopes is gone and that is what was keeping me going. I harboured a not so secret hope that he would come back and we would be able to work everything out. That he would realize what he had done and would try to fix things. It's over, he doesn't want to be with me anymore, he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't care about me anymore, I am a non-entity in his life! I have never felt so alone in my life. I don't have any friends who can take me out and get me to forget this. I am not one to do something on my own.

Thank you for listening to my rant. This is far better than calling him up and venting at him. Saves my dignity and right now that all I have left.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 5:21pm
Glad you like it! Feel free to adopt it as your mantra too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 5:29pm
Okay, so his career has him working long hours and unpredictable schedules. And you had this desire/want/need to be more prioritized, more integrated and intertwined with a partner that an on occasional, impromptu basis?

Is that right?

There's no need to make excuses for anything or anybody. Justifications, excuses, rationalizations - they're all irrelevant. Facts...that's different.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 1:54pm
Funny how something so normal can be so hard to give another. I just wanted to see him more than once every month, more than a phone every couple of days. I never asked him to put me before his career and I could deal with the wacky schedule. What I couldn't deal with was that I was constantly being pushed aside for something else - his friends, his need for tons of personal time, his life. I wanted to know that he was in this relationship just as much as I was. He claimed his schedule wouldn't permit this, in reality it was he who couldn't give this. His freedom and lifestyle were more important to him than I was. Something had to give and, unfortunatly in this case, it was me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 3:52pm
His freedom and lifestyle were more important to him than I was.

That sentence is integral to the equation....a person's needs and lifestyle are ALWAYS giong to be more important to them than "you" are......and it is only if you share their needs and their lifestyles, their definitions of a great relationship and how to achieve it and what it requires and allows and provides are you going to be in a relationship of equality, trust, harmony, and companionship.

Some people have more "need" of partnership interaction than others...and sometimes lifestyle that they're living when you meet will tell you pretty quick how much they prioritize "partnership interaction". If they've got a full, complete, successful, secure, happy life by their own efforts, means, definitions, ands tadnards and it is a very busy and full agenda - then you can bet they don't prioritize lots of "partnership" interaction. That doesn't make them bad or wrong or dysfunctional...but it is who they are.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

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