Annoyed
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| Sun, 11-28-2004 - 1:32am |
So I sent my ex one final e-mail the other day. In it, I told him that I was done with the situation, that I couldn't be his friend. I told him that I wished him well in life and that he would not be hearing from me again. I told him I wasn't expecting to hear from him anymore either and that it would be for the best...
Since I sent that e-mail, I've felt a LOT better. I got everything that I wanted to say to him out of my system and I finally felt like I was truly ready to move on. I thought I was done with blaming myself, blaming him, and just with the whole situation in general. I didn't even think about my ex as much as I usually did in the past. I came home from college and spent a great Thanksgiving with my family, and I've also been hanging out with old friends. Overall, it's been a great break.
But something happened last night that's gotten to me. My ex sent me a text message. All it said was "happy belated thanksgiving kid--gary." I saw it this morning and I checked the time at which he had sent it--4 AM. I'm assuming he had been out partying and was probably drunk...
I'm thoroughly annoyed by this. I'll admit that at first I was happy he had contacted me. That old hope of him changing his mind about me arose once again. But I thought more about it and it's finally hitting me just how little respect my ex has for me. You would think that him ignoring me various times in the past would have convinced me of this, but unfortunately I was naive and still tried to hold on. I'm annoyed that my ex didn't listen and is still contacting me. I'm finally becoming aware of what a game-player he really is. It's really quite sad how he tells me that he doesn't like me/want to know me, but still tries to give me false hope and get my attention.
I know it was a nice enough text message that he sent. But I don't think it was sent with the right intentions. I didn't respond and don't plan on it. I am honestly considering blocking his # now. It's funny--for so long, all I've wanted is to hear from him. But I finally realized that him contacting me means absolutely nothing. He doesn't want to be my friend (and I can't be his), he doesn't want to get back together...he isn't even just trying to be friendly. He's truly just a jerk who wants to toy with my emotions. And I'm upset that it's working. I'm so tired of thinking and feeling anything for him at all...I'm tired of caring. I'm so mad I have wasted so much time and energy on him.
So I guess the question is...is it better to be naive, yet hopeful or realistic, yet bitter?

Hi
I would choose realistic but bitter any day over naive and hopeful. Just because you are bitter now, does not mean you have no right to be. He hurt your feelings and it is OK to feel the way you do. Bitterness will go away with time. Being naive is what can get you into a lot of hot water, because part of being naive is seeing things unrealistically, so your hopes get dashed and you get hurt again. You would never choose to drive your car when you cannot see the road clearly, and being naive is like that, so do not pick being naive over what is real.
I’m glad you see this guy for who he is, it is unfortunate that someone you cared about turned out to be such a jerk, but hey, this is who he is. It has nothing to do with you, and now that you recognized him for who he is, you can remove him totally from your life, so he will never hurt you again. You will be much better off than seeing him as a great guy when he really is no diamond in the rough.
Take care
Thanks for your reply.
And you're absolutely right--just because I feel bitter now doesn't mean I will always be bitter. I DO have the right to be hurt and angry...
However, I have actually stopped feeling so bitter. I don't know if my ex will contact me again or not, and it doesn't matter. He isn't a part of my life anymore. I chose to be naive and acted like a fool over him for far too long...but I'm done doing that.
I like the example you gave of driving your car...you're right, there's no point in driving down a road that's unclear. And that's exactly what I had been doing...I used to believe that I should hold on, that I should continue trying with my ex even though I had no idea what I was doing. But I was being unrealistic and kept getting my heart broken over and over again. Now I realize that protecting and taking care of myself should be my first priority.
Thanks again, and take care...<3
Thanks! :)
Yeah, I'm trying really hard to remain strong...I haven't responded to his text--mainly because I've realized that I have nothing left to say to him. It's crazy (and sorta sad) that we were once so close, yet now we're like complete strangers. ::sigh:: I guess that's just the way life works sometimes, huh?