annoyed and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
annoyed and confused
4
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 9:13pm

I broke up with my boyfriend on Sunday after many issues had been left unresolved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 9:50pm

You did ask what's wrong with you, correct? Are you sure you want to hear it? Because it an't about him, it's about you.

Here's the deal whenever I read a post or hear about a man treating a woman less than stellar: YOU were right there, and, you did say you were with him for a little over a year. So that's how long you put up with it.

There it is again: You put up with it. It's great that you won't settle at this point, but look how long it took you to get to this point, chica. I see you doing a lot of self-bashing in your post. Don't try to skate over it, because it's out there already. You'd be surprised at how much of a person's self-esteem is "visible" just by reading the words they use towards themselves. When you start being nicer to yourself in the first place, you'll notice when someone's not being nice to you. When you stop bashing on yourself quite so much, you'll tolerate that so much less from anyone else. We can only be loved as much as we love ourselves, every single time without fail.

I understand that it's a great idea to offer someone benefit of the doubt, and it's great that you bring the things up that bother you, hopefully in a calm and nonaccusatory manner. But I just said it to someone on this board last week, there's a big difference between offering benefit of the doubt, and continually accepting bad behavior.

You asked a very important question, and my answer is hopefully one that will help you break out of this cycle of-- "I am 30 and I am SOOOOO sick of this crap with men. Never seem to find the right damn guy": ....."how many times can you tell a man what is bugging you and have him do nothing just to do it all over again?"..... I would say the max for the exact same issue is twice. No three strikes, especially if you're only dating.

Maybe it's not that you haven't found the right guy, maybe it's that you haven't been the right woman that YOU need yourself to be.

Good luck,

Myspace CodesMyspace Text Generator, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace, Myspace CodesMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace Graphics

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 9:58pm

Thanks Sandra...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 10:18pm

....."Do you believe that you attract what you put out?"..... Oh honey, 1000% of the time.

I can guarantee you've met ....."successful, happy, handsome, well minded men..."..... the thing is you gloss over them because you're so busy expecting the bad boy to show up, the one who ISN'T all these things. Not only that, but you expect they'll treat you or act like the others, and then they do and you tolerate it and then you're pissed off all over again, but, you were "right" about the guys out there.

Go get yourself a book, I have yet to be off when I suggest this one to someone, and you are ripe for it, meaning you are just fed up enough and yet, you are NOW open enough to the ideas in it. Ready?

Make Every Man Want You (or Make Yours Want You More): How to Be So Damn Irrresistible You'll Barely Keep from Dating Yourself! by Marie Forleo. Google it. It is and is SO NOT exactly what it sounds like ;-)

Marie is a fabulous chica, and so awesome to talk to! Get the book, read it, and then report back to moi. ;-) One lady I suggested it to ended up opening her own cafe, another one took an awesome cross-country road trip, I myself have completed two half-marathons in one month, redesigned my life and have pretty much overhauled my new relationship with my ex (yes, ex) boyfriend.

Go on!

Myspace CodesMyspace Text Generator, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace, Myspace CodesMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace Graphics

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 1:27pm

Welcome to the board nhjillian,


I just wanted to add my 2 cents - I agree with the advice you've already been given.


::Do you believe that you attract what you put out?


Absolutely, like attracts like.