Another dating failure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Another dating failure?
2
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 4:50pm
So I was dating this guy for only 3-4 months and he dumped me, or rather, disappeared on me. He basically told me everything I wanted to hear and since I have known him for about a year before hand I believed him. I am now having a really hard time getting over the whole situation. I really fell hard and foolishly and thought this would be long term. I can't help feeling used. How do I move on. It's been over a month and I still have these dark moments. How can I actually consider trusting someone else in the future? I am also in my thirties and would like to settle down and find someone who is worth it. I feel like I am running out of time in finding a guy who is worthwhile and is isn't out to just have some fun. My older sister is pregnant again with her 3rd child and I don't even have any prospects. I know I should compare, but sometimes she makes me feel like I am incomplete without a guy and that I am running out of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 5:39pm

Welcome to board gal_ziggy10,


Sorry you are going through this.


Relationship Grieving Process

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 6:18pm

Breakups of all kinds are hard, no two ways about it, but I would hardly call it failure.

You know, this could be another little alarm, the kind that Life and the Universe throw at us to wake us up to our own reality. You said you heard everything you wanted to hear from him and that's what caused you to think this could be the one..... ok, so that tactic's not working, let's try something new.

I'm not one to believe flowery words from anyone, they just don't do much for me except make me squirmy and uncomfortable. What I like and what truly "speaks" to me is a person's actions. People, all people will say this or that or the other and many times not follow through, for whatever reason. But their actions say so much more because it shows exactly what they are *willing* and *able* to do, when they're willing to stick their necks out and when they're not, much more so than their words, their actions will always show you a person's character, their conscience, their capacity for compassion and charity, their integrity is ALWAYS shown in action, not words.

How do you trust: Ok, coming from a woman who divorced her husband of nine years because he cheated on me, and who had a long-term boyfriend also cheat, I can tell you with all sincerity that it's when you ACCEPT that each man is different from the other, that they are NOT all created the same, that you will trust again. Most men are good men, I just happened to find a couple that weren't.

My last boyfriend, I trusted implicitly. I trusted him because he showed me with his actions he was trustworthy, he never told me he was trustworthy, I made that distinction myself. We're broken up and just now starting to forge a friendship again and I still trust him implicitly because he's still showing me he's trustworthy.

As far as your age, I have a question for you as I'm in my mid-30's: Would you rather find a man to have a child with, because those are a dime a dozen, or would you rather find a partner to share a life with that could someday lead to children? Big difference between the two. Don't think men can't smell "baby-desperation" on a woman, they can, and because they also want to be thought of as more than a vehicle to your "true" desire, they run far away from that.

Not every guy you date will be the One, but every guy you date will eventually lead you to him.

And oh yeah, every time your Sis tells you or indicates that you're somehow deficient because you don't have children yet, wow her with something that you can do that she can't because oh yeah, she has to take care of the kids. Really pile it on. It works especially well when the kids are acting up. ;-)

Best,

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