Another element

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Another element
13
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 5:32pm

Every time I turn around something reminds me of him....every little thing.

We always watched the show *House* together on Tuesday nights. When we broke up before I couldn't even watch it again. But this time, I will watch it no matter how much I think of him. It's the only show I enjoy on tv. Eventually, hopefully, it won't remind me of him anymore.

My route to work had to be changed last time because it was also the way to his house.

Music, I won't be able to listen to music for a long time. Even though we didn't listen to it together much, it's too emotional for me.

There are tons of little subtle things that remind me of him, too....it's just so hard.

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Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:48am

I have developed two techniques for dealing with those excruciating triggers that we all seem to face at first, those things that remind us of our Ex. I have had difficulty from things as diverse as songs, foods in the grocery store we enjoyed together, favorite restaurants, all the clothes and jewelry he gave me, trucks that resemble his...the list is endless.

While I think a certain amount of processing these individual triggers is necessary, some days they come upon us so hard and fast that it interferes with our functioning. How many times a day can you cry and come unglued? I knew I had to do something when I found myself standing in the aisle of the grocery store and crying because I saw the rabbit food. (The Ex has a rabbit.)

So, to help with these triggers, I developed a thought replacing process where when I see a painful reminder of my previous life with the Ex, I replace it with the thought that, "Hey, that mean and sneaky trigger actually represents one glorious future round of lovemaking with my future mate! Ha! Add one more love token to my Thousand Nights of Bliss which I am sure to have."

Of course, I am about three weeks out from the break-up, so I have developed a little bit of composure and I think that helps me be able to use this technique. It's kind of like an affirmation of the future and an empowering casting away of the old emotional trigger demons. It changes these memories which steal our emotional energy into gifts that we give ourselves. It replaces an emotional reaction with a mental exercise. It focuses on the future rather than the past, and almost becomes a game. It is satisfying and definite. It is really working for me.

The other trick I discovered during my divorce is that I stopped listening to sappy love songs which were always upsetting by switching from listening to music radio stations to talk shows like National Public Radio, which has a very calm sound, is entertaining and informative, sounds mature, and never plays sad songs. I made this switch for about 18 months, and although I really missed my music at times, I sure did not miss the upset and sadness just one song could bring on. When I realized I could listen to my old music stations again without becoming upset is when I realized I was truly over my Ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 6:19pm

java

what is this article u talk about please guide me to it thank u

kiran

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 9:40pm

I will find it for you...

Java

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