Another one hurting
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| Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:19pm |
Here's my story...pardon the length!
My "relationship" or sorts ended a couple of weeks ago...it was with a friend who is 7 years my junior (he's 21, I'm 28) and what started out as us just being friends, it turned into "friends" (if you know what I mean) and has been going on for the past 5 months, and things were great. He turned into one of my closest friends, everyone would tease us about the fact that we wouldn't call it anything (it seemed to make things easier) and I went into this telling myself we were just having fun, but of course, I'm the type of girl that gets more involved sooner or later.
Gradually, we would spend more time together, go out on "dates" and just have a good time, and I loved it. Of course in the back of my mind I'm thinking "he's 21, we'll never be on the same page, he has several years before he'll be ready for what I'm going to be ready for in a couple of years, or even now" and last week it kind of all came down. We were out with his cousin (the three of us hang out together a lot) and it basically came down to me totally overreacting to something he said and I got pissed and wouldn't even look him in the eye the rest of the night. We talked the next day over IM and we both agreed that for the sake of the friendship, we need to take a break from the sex, and it's true. The problem is that he is the nephew of my best friends husband (he lives with them) so I see him when I go down there (that's how this all started), and I'm not going to stop going down there and I'm not going to stop being his friend. We both care about each other, and he said that it's better that things end now rather then us carrying on, getting more attached and when it ended later down the road, we wouldn't even be able to be friends, and he's right.
I know you are all probably going to say that we can't be friends now and I shouldn't even talk to him, but I don't want that. And I know it's probably naieve of me to think that we can be friends, but well, call me naieve.
I'm just trying to seek comfort in the fact that I've been through breakups before and have come out a better, and wiser person, and I know that in time, this will be a distant memory to me and I'll be able to look at it and not get upset, but it just hurts right now. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 2 weeks, I'm fine one morning then by afternoon I can't stop crying, and that is what I HATE. I keep telling myself that there is someone out there that is an even better match for me, someone that has all of his qualities that I like and he'll be in the same place that I am. It's just so hard right now, going from talking to someone every single day for the past 5 months and seeing each other every week to trying to take this time apart, part of me feels like I lost my best friend and while the two of us never called it anything, it was the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I was finally able to be myself around someone, and trust someone, let someone in and enjoy the time we had together, and part of me is so afraid to go through this again because I don't want to go through this again, and I think the reason why this one hurts the worst is because I finally got to feel what it was like to be with someone who cares about me.
I saw him this past weekend and everything was cool, we had a good time together, it was like old times, (and by old times I mean we had a little slip up when we went to bed) but it is what it is and we agreed on that, but now, today is hard, I've cried a little, reminisced a lot and am just beating myself up over things, and I know I shouldn't. Once again I am feeling nauseous, I got to the office and wanted to cry but I had clients. Last night we were chatting for a little bit and then he put up his away message and then didn't talk to me the rest of the night, and that's what hurts. Before, he would at least say goodbye/goodnight....I keep thinking about things he would say, like when we talked about white water rafting and I said "I don't know, I might have a boyfriend in the summer" and he said "don't talk like that"...and just the little things, that's what I can't get rid of and that's what hurts.
I know everyone is going to tell me to cut off all contact with him, to not go over there, etc., and I'm trying not to initiate contact, and the whole time we were in this thing, it was always him who would send me the nightly IMs, etc., and even now, he'll initiate it, but we don't talk nearly as much as we did and I'm trying to not be upset when he'll stop chatting or cut a convo short, and I'm just sad about the plans that we made, that we're not going to be doing them now. Who knows, maybe in time when we're both in a different place, we can get back to things, but I can't count on that, I need to move on with my life, but it's hard and it hurts like hell.



Hey I "know" you...sorry to see you here and sorry you are hurting.
I think that if you're not willing to take a break from having contact, then you have to accept that it's going to take you a LOT longer for you to move on and be ok with the change in status. That's *fine* if that's what you want to do, it's your choice--so long as you accept the consequences of that.
Sheri
You're right, but what do I tell him when he sends me an IM "I can't talk to you right now, please stop contacting me"? I know it shouldn't have gone on as long as it did, because neither one of us wanted this to happen, and for things to be akward, but it did.
At least my friend is out of town this weekend and I'm keeping myself busy with plans so I won't be going over there to see her, and I'm not going to contact him, it's going to be hard, but I know it's for the best and it's what needs to be done so I can heal myself and move on and down the road, be able to be his friend again.
You call him and you say, you know what, I thought I could transition right back to being friends but I'm finding that it's really too painful for me to do that. I need a little time without contact to get over this. I'll be in touch when I'm ready to be friends again--I'm sure it won't be a terribly long time but I hope you can understand and respect this, thanks.
If you're as good friends as you think you are, he will understand and respect your need for time and space.
Sheri