another sad situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
another sad situation
1
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 10:53pm

I got dumped in a very rude way, and the whole situation just makes me sad.

I met a great guy. We got along great. We had a good realtionship. Had fun. Shared many of the same big-picture priorities and values and goals.

He took a job in a different city. We discussed this before he moved - he had made these plans prior to us meeting, and we decided a) not to make a career/location decision based on a new relationship and b) just see where thing went. I was lucky - it turned into a great relationship. He told me he loved me (first), told me that he thought I was The One, told me that he wanted to start a family with me, told me that we'd find a way to figure this all out.

We dated for a year, long distance for five months. We still talked every night and saw each other fairly regularly. He was stressed because we didn't have an immeidate longer-term solution for the distance problem. I suggested that we just give it time, since answers to these things usually come out with time. New city, new job, new everything.. I suggested waiting a year or so before stressing about not having answers. He said that was too long to wait because he was so unhappy not being with me. Worried about timing, about when we'd start a life together, worried about time/money to start a family. Didn't seem happy with his job, but was still convinced that it's the right thing for him.

Then, I suddenly got psuedo-dumped on our one-year anniversary. He was in a funk, said he was tired of trying. I suggested giving it some time.

I was upset by all of this, and after a month decided to pony-up and settle things for myself. Even though I figured I wouldn't like the answer. A week and a half ago, I flew there to do it in person, because it's the right thing to do. He spent an hour screaming at me on the phone then refused to see me at all. Said it was over.. over the phone. Said a lot of really awful things, most of which were completely contradictory to the feelings he had stated over the previous 12 months.

I'm sad because I don't understand his behavior. It's as if he's suddenly a different person, for no apparent reason. I feel completely disrespected, and don't understand how anyone in a loving, committed relationship can treat the other person like that. So things don't work out - happens, sucks, but that's life.

I guess I'm in the same position as I was before. We not in the same city. I don't keep in touch with his old friends from here. I don't run a risk of running into him or them. I've already thrown his stuff from here away, gotten rid of pictures and other reminders, deleted addresses and phone numbers and trashed old emails. But I miss my best friend - as ironic as that is to say since he hadn't acted like much of a friend in the last month or two. I'm having a hard time "moving on."

I'm stuck between giving myself time to heal and get on with my own life, and believing in this guy that I know has a good heart and is going through some major life changes.




Edited 1/21/2007 11:16 pm ET by supergrover115
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 10:05am

Good for you for giving things time. I wish I had and I'm now paying for it. But I have also learned from it & it won't happen again.

Who knows what your guy's problem is, but maybe he has to go through it to get over it. Time will tell and maybe you will be great friends again. It sounds like maybe there is something going on that he's not telling you. Job, friends, personal life? Who knows. But think about yourself right now. Get out. Start new things, hobbies, exercising, whatever.

Keep your head up & good luck!