Another sleepless night

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Another sleepless night
5
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:53am
I don't think I can handle another sleepless night. It has been a month today that my ex and I broke up. I can't recall a full nights sleep in a whole month. I wake up in the middle of the night crying and longing for him to be next to me and then the realization hits....he is gone and sleeping next to someone else. This is the hardest breakup I have ever experienced. I am finding it hard to let him and the past go. I still want to be there for him. I heard from his sister that his grandpa died yesterday. My heart broke and I gave into those urges and took a card over to his apartment. Even though he was bummed about his grandpa he seemed really happy with his new life without me. It hurt to see him doing so well and to hear that he has moved on and is happy with her. I acted happy for him, but deep down my heart was breaking all over again. He acted like we were best friends and we were but it is way too hard for me to diconnect my feelings from what we had to being just friends. This hurts soooo bad! Does anyone have any advice or support or anything?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 6:25am

My advice is this.....whatever you do, do not have any type of contact with him anymore. When my boyfriend and I broke up we actually did it over email/phone because by that point I hadn't seen him in a week and I knew that seeing him would absolutely KILL me. There was already some distance there (and lots of knowledge of problems for a month before the breakup). It had nothing at all to do with me being "chicken" to do this in person, it had to do with keeping myself "safe" and I don't mean in a physical way.

There is no way I will ever see him again, at least for a very long time, because I want this pain to go away. The only way it will is by me keeping myself from him, in every way I can. Luckily, he respects that and won't contact me. This is the second time for us and the end is absolutely final. When you realize that you won't let anything stand in the way of your healing.

Yes, I cry for him ..... but seeing him again at this point (and it's only been 2 weeks for me) would put me back to day 1. I never want to experience that pain with this man again.

Please keep NC....You're just torturing yourself and self inflicting pain.
Hugs and best wishes to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 10:58am

Thank you. I agree that I am killing myself every time I contact him. My ex also honors my wishes and won't contact me. He sometimes even avoids my calls. I guess that should be a clue to me. Talking to him and seeing him is like a drug. I feel better for the time being and then I feel horrible. He is a habit!

Thank you again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:59pm
It has been two weeks for me and my ex and I havent slept at all either until last night, and thats only because a friend gave me a few Ambien sleeping pills, thats the only thing that worked, but sure enough, as soon as I woke up, the sobbing and missing him started again as soon as I realized he wasnt there. So I called a counselor today and have an appt on monday afternoon, the sad thing is the receptionist asked me if I was ok because she said she could tell I was sobbing and that she would get me the earliest appt she could. I just cant get over this feeling of unfairness that he has moved on with someone else already and I cant even sleep at night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:46pm
Good analogy..it's like a quick fix/drug when we call or see them but it leaves us empty after. Sigh...
The hardest part is being alone and feeling like crap when you know they are with another...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:49pm

The best thing you can do is what you are doing. Seeing a counselor and coming here to vent. Get a new haircut or go to a spa. Get a massage. It helped me to have healing touch.

I have spoken to men and women about my 4 week old ex who has taken up with another. They said those rebounds are meaningless and never last. Who cares tho when I am a mess today..and never want him back tomorrow.

One day at a time.